Re: the crazy mindbending of being blocked unblocked then punched in the face

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Thought I would update from my last posts back in June .

I wont go in to detail of my experience with what I believe to be a non diagnosed ex GF with BPD. But to quickly summarise, was with her for 6 years . Blindsided and brutally discarded and replaced with someone she met on dating app - at the time both my father (then shortly after my mother) went into end of life care with both dying within months of each other this year (2022)

She was very close to both ( well so i believe who the hell knows with these individuals). This was back in December last year (2021) .. Was all over social media within weeks and then she went on holiday with him and her kids within 2/3 months of meeting him  (the holiday I was supposed to go on with her)...

Since that time, I went full NC (January 2022) and blocked her (on whatsapp) . She never blocked me (whatsapp) until I asked her to in March as she was constantly putting pictures of her and him as her profile pic,  and I could'nt bear it anymore - so rang her up to ask her to block me.

She did (reluctantly). all good. Until I started to become obsessed at looking at my blocked number lists and seeing if I was unblocked. (And I mean an obsession  - I was looking every hour, every 30 minutes every 10 minutes utterly incomprehensible I know) ..

From this constant looking, I noticed that about every other month or so I would be unblocked, and up would pop just a photo of herself as her whatsapp profile picture. Sometimes this would last a day, other times couple of days, and then I would be abruptly blocked again.. No reaching out , no contact .. I presumed / suspected that things might be rather unstable with my replacement hence this behaviour ..

I did not react ... until last month ... when again she unblocked me  - this time with a photo of her daughter (8 yrs old) whom she knew I doted on and basically was a kind of step dad too (knew her since she was 1 yr old) ... I was left unblocked for just over a week and then abruptly re blocked again.

This really incensed me  - I was just so angry and confused - that I broke and made contact by email. I asked her that I wanted to talk to her directly.. Not by text message or email but direct conversation or 121 meet up. She asked me why I wanted to see her and I responded by saying again that I would talk to her directly face to face - and not by digital method or by texting (her preferred method of all contact between us).

She declined saying and I quote ' Thankyou for the invite but I am with someone and that would not be fair on him' ...   Incredulous.

I responded by saying ok, so its not fair on him, but why do you keep unblocking / blocking me then?  Her response - "I'm not, I don't understand how this is happening but your number is deleted from my contact list and I never look at my blocked number lists - I'm sorry I cant explain it and I'm sorry if its upset you"


Rubbish.

I know. I am a fool for looking. I am a fool for thinking that she was looking to reach out. I did and I got  royally smacked right back in the face for it. It was almost as if she drew me in to smash me again and enjoy it.

My recovery from this F~~~~~g mentalist demon has once again really wobbled since this and I am back in therapy .

Why Why Why Why did she do this? . What is she doing? . Its just so manipulative, triangulating  / gaslighting behaviour  - when I am still trying to come to terms with the loss of both my parents this year . Really cruel - particularly drawing me in with picture of her daughter whom I have had no contact with since December (which equally has really traumatised me and is another loss)

I don't expect the community on here to have the answer but I suppose I'm just alerting others to be just so careful when this kind of thing happens..   Its almost like a trap was set to further humiliate me - when I've kept completely out of her way - and accepted that she replaced me with another ... Like she had to comeback for more and drive the knife in to a wound that has hardly began to heal


Or is it that the new relationship is not stable and this is her way of what seeing if I'm still there ? I just don't know its just mindf####ery

What I have done now is unblock her on whatsapp and have deleted her from my phone so I don't keep checking the blocked number list. At least she is removed completely from my phone - but it wont take a second to put her number back in my phone and check ... which I am trying desperately not to do !  But I don't know what else to do to combat the obsession of looking. This seemed the best option to actually remove her from my phone. (I haven't put in her number in my phone now for some two weeks which is progress!)

Thankyou for reading

Gemini1967

[Gemini1967]

Thought I would update from my last posts back in June .

I wont go in to detail of my experience with what I believe to be a non diagnosed ex GF with BPD. But to quickly summarise, was with her for 6 years . Blindsided and brutally discarded and replaced with someone she met on dating app - at the time both my father (then shortly after my mother) went into end of life care with both dying within months of each other this year (2022)

She was very close to both ( well so i believe who the hell knows with these individuals). This was back in December last year (2021) .. Was all over social media within weeks and then she went on holiday with him and her kids within 2/3 months of meeting him  (the holiday I was supposed to go on with her)...

Since that time, I went full NC (January 2022) and blocked her (on whatsapp) . She never blocked me (whatsapp) until I asked her to in March as she was constantly putting pictures of her and him as her profile pic,  and I could'nt bear it anymore - so rang her up to ask her to block me.

She did (reluctantly). all good. Until I started to become obsessed at looking at my blocked number lists and seeing if I was unblocked. (And I mean an obsession  - I was looking every hour, every 30 minutes every 10 minutes utterly incomprehensible I know) ..

From this constant looking, I noticed that about every other month or so I would be unblocked, and up would pop just a photo of herself as her whatsapp profile picture. Sometimes this would last a day, other times couple of days, and then I would be abruptly blocked again.. No reaching out , no contact .. I presumed / suspected that things might be rather unstable with my replacement hence this behaviour ..

I did not react ... until last month ... when again she unblocked me  - this time with a photo of her daughter (8 yrs old) whom she knew I doted on and basically was a kind of step dad too (knew her since she was 1 yr old) ... I was left unblocked for just over a week and then abruptly re blocked again.

This really incensed me  - I was just so angry and confused - that I broke and made contact by email. I asked her that I wanted to talk to her directly.. Not by text message or email but direct conversation or 121 meet up. She asked me why I wanted to see her and I responded by saying again that I would talk to her directly face to face - and not by digital method or by texting (her preferred method of all contact between us).

She declined saying and I quote ' Thankyou for the invite but I am with someone and that would not be fair on him' ...   Incredulous.

I responded by saying ok, so its not fair on him, but why do you keep unblocking / blocking me then?  Her response - "I'm not, I don't understand how this is happening but your number is deleted from my contact list and I never look at my blocked number lists - I'm sorry I cant explain it and I'm sorry if its upset you"


Rubbish.

I know. I am a fool for looking. I am a fool for thinking that she was looking to reach out. I did and I got  royally smacked right back in the face for it. It was almost as if she drew me in to smash me again and enjoy it.

My recovery from this F~~~~~g mentalist demon has once again really wobbled since this and I am back in therapy .

Why Why Why Why did she do this? . What is she doing? . Its just so manipulative, triangulating  / gaslighting behaviour  - when I am still trying to come to terms with the loss of both my parents this year . Really cruel - particularly drawing me in with picture of her daughter whom I have had no contact with since December (which equally has really traumatised me and is another loss)

I don't expect the community on here to have the answer but I suppose I'm just alerting others to be just so careful when this kind of thing happens..   Its almost like a trap was set to further humiliate me - when I've kept completely out of her way - and accepted that she replaced me with another ... Like she had to comeback for more and drive the knife in to a wound that has hardly began to heal


Or is it that the new relationship is not stable and this is her way of what seeing if I'm still there ? I just don't know its just mindf####ery

What I have done now is unblock her on whatsapp and have deleted her from my phone so I don't keep checking the blocked number list. At least she is removed completely from my phone - but it wont take a second to put her number back in my phone and check ... which I am trying desperately not to do !  But I don't know what else to do to combat the obsession of looking. This seemed the best option to actually remove her from my phone. (I haven't put in her number in my phone now for some two weeks which is progress!)

Thankyou for reading

Gemini1967

[Couscous]

It sounds like could really benefit from some additional support during this trying time. I’m wondering if it might be helpful for you to try a 12 Step meeting like SLAA? 

Here’s a list of questions that you can check out to see if any resonate: https://slaafws.org/download/core-files/The_40_Questions_of_SLAA.pdf

[Biggus]

Hi Gemini. Sorry for your loss. My dad died three years ago, and I still miss him every day. I guess can in some ways relate to your situation, as my ex gf broke up with me at a time when I was really having it hard trying to deal with many real life issues and problems, the saddest part being the loss of another very dear family member.

What I have done now is unblock her on whatsapp and have deleted her from my phone so I don't keep checking the blocked number list. At least she is removed completely from my phone - but it wont take a second to put her number back in my phone and check ... which I am trying desperately not to do !  But I don't know what else to do to combat the obsession of looking. This seemed the best option to actually remove her from my phone. (I haven't put in her number in my phone now for some two weeks which is progress!)

Seems like you are still expecting a thing or two from her. The hard truth is she doesn't owe you anything. Getting into that realization can be difficult, but then you can think you don't owe her anything, and you two are no longer a thing. It's very sad that when relationships break, often other connections like you had with her daughter break too. I miss the family of another ex gf, and I know they miss me too, but there has been very little contact after that break up. Sadly that's just how it is in life.

It's a really good and _healthy_ decision to remove her number from your phone. Whenever you feel tempted to put her number back just direct your attention to something else, preferably something that's rewarding to you. I don't mean drinking beer or comfort food etc. instead just pick up something to do which is real, which makes you feel better and is healthy for you. Like, go take a walk in a forest or a park. Clean the house. Work on something. If you don't have many hobbies then start one and put your focus on that. Idle hands are the devil's workshop. Accept the situation, be good towards yourself, and start to forget her.

[once removed]

I responded by saying ok, so its not fair on him, but why do you keep unblocking / blocking me then?  Her response - "I'm not, I don't understand how this is happening but your number is deleted from my contact list and I never look at my blocked number lists - I'm sorry I cant explain it and I'm sorry if its upset you"

Gemini1967,

more likely than not, what is happening is what i have seen with a number of apps: sometimes, when someone has blocked me, i can still see their profile picture. sometimes it depends on whether i look on my phone, or my pc.

think about it. if she wanted to hurt you, there are better, more practical ways than this; she could have taken you up on the invite, and done who knows what.

looking, not looking, is really, really hard. i remember after my breakup, i couldnt stop. the crazy thing is, she had removed me as a friend, and put up privacy, so i couldnt even see anything except her profile picture, and no matter what it was, no matter how innocuous (and it usually was), i would go into a tailspin for hours on end.

at the end of the day, its like any bad habit...you just have to find the motivation to stop, or else, get tired of doing it. if nothing else, if this person is using profile pictures to hurt you, then let that be your motivation not to give them any daylight.

hang in there. it was a brutal breakup. healing isnt easy.