Over the disrespect

[dtkm]

I used to have a pretty good relationship with my stepdaughter (12). Every time my uBPDh begins his cycle, if my stepdaughter is at our house he screens at her that she is not to speak to me, etc and if she is not at our house she gets told the same I am assuming on the way to our house. I bought her some clothes…a hoodie, socks and bathing suit for Easter and got no thank you, nothing. I tried to make nothing of it as it was Easter and the little kids were all about the Easter Bunny so I pushed it off to that. I then gave her a pair of sandals. They literally got thrown on her floor and once again no thank you. Having 5 kids and believing that all of the kids deserve to get relatively equal things, I most recently bought her a t-shirt and shorts, once again nothing…but this time they were thrown in the laundry pile. Today we went to the pool and she had the sandals on. I said to her wow those look so good, I wasn’t sure if you had seen them since nothing was said to me. She said ya I got them and turned around and walked away. I am struggling big time with her. I understand that this is not her, but this behavior is not acceptable to me. Everything in me wants to either take the clothes and shoes back or say something but I’m not sure what to say. This is a direct line from her dad, my H as he goes shopping and only buys for himself and my stepdaughter and never asks if we need or want anything (mind you 2 of the kids he buys nothing for on a day to day or will put money aside for college for them are biologically his). I on the other hand, always ask if they need anything and always get what is needed and shop for the house, pay for it all with my own money and then tonight repeatedly got told I am leech?  What!  It makes no sense. Back to my stepdaughter, I am stuck!  Everything in me wants to say f you and treat her like she is treating me…ignore her when she talks to me, not include her in anything, not appreciate anything she does for me (I don’t even get thanked for making her dinner)…but the reality is that I do care and I want to treat her like all of my other kids but my uBPDh has made it impossible. I have always treated her the same as them and he has always told me that I exclude her…and he has now pushed her and pushed her to make his accusations a possible reality. He won’t let my parents talk to her or my sister talk to her or my nephew. It is horrible. He has backed out last minute on vacations leaving her to have to stay at home with him while all the rest of her siblings go on a fun vacation or see family, he has refused for her to spend holidays with my family so she sits at home while all of the other kids are running around having fun. It is so sad!  I can see her true feelings in her, but there is nothing I can do. I don’t think she tells her mom anything and if she does I’m not sure why she allows this to be done to her. So my question is what do I do?  I am so over the disrespect,like beyond over it!  Any suggestions?  

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