My ex had bpd but I need help understanding

[Mr bbbs]

Hi, just need some help and understanding, my ex of 2 years we were on and off for whatever reason, and I always done the chasing making fake social media or emails to try and beg and plead for her to get back with me because I love that women with all me heart..
We get back together for a few weeks then I be blocked again however the been a couple of things I don’t understand.
And she  never once apologies for what the reason was it was my reaction,
Now when we were on a break or whatever me trying to win her back because she either adding people on social media or point blank cut me off and be blunt like I done something wrong, see I suffer with bad anxiety and acrophobia so I could never go to her.
So she made adult content pages or stuff like that( finance reasons) even thought I give her money all the time, and am not going _____ here and say I was quiet I said and called her names which I regret but am upset and angry why my beautiful girl doing this stuff!
So like I said I always give her anything she wanted, and we be ok and see each other for a few weeks then she never argue in person she wake up moody and go home and start a argument which leads 2 me being block..
Anyway like I said always done the chasing wait a few days try and ring and text make account, we had a really bad argument about the site, which led to me being block I did ring her and say can you send me the mobile and paying for and my clothes, (I always says that to make conversation ) she said she would and we just talk she refused to come over which I just left her, then she message and ask for money I sent it had a little conversation, then blanked she then block me a few days later of WhatsApp and social media, then over the next 5months am trying to get her to talk of give me a reason to why she blanking or not talk even saying if your done can you send my things so I know please. And nothing
18 accounts later she finally accept the request and says I make her I’ll. and now I have to deal with the after maths, I said how much I love her and how I think of her all the time she very blunt and says she doesn’t know what to say.i ask can she come over and talk she said it won’t work for her but then we have a conversation all night I ask could I speak the next day she said yeah don’t expect instant reply( which is her normally self and me winning her back) anyways blanked the next day and well as a few days later while she posting picture on instagram ( made a new account she didn’t block it) anyways 3 week had past and sent one more message saying how much I love her and lost me best friend, she told me if she get one more message she going to report me for harassment ( she said that a few times) and do not contact her again I made her ill now I have to deal with the consequences, no leave is alone, ( which she has before said we are over and done) just saying we arnt the same people  don’t message me again!!!
Which I thought fine I give her space 8 weeks later I just had a gut feel and I couldn’t stop crying being up set I check her social threw a friend and see she’s in a relationship! My heart drop my belly in knots am like how can my girl do this,
For 5 months she blank me and I was hopping she was dealing with things she has children but doesn’t have custody of them and doesn’t see them!
She was reading them but not saying anything why?
Am blocked on Facebook and Snapchat. Why not when I was sending a message on instagram or tik tok block that then I would get the hint not reading them, and say nothing!

I believe he was on her Facebook and social media before this time I’ve been blocked and she had single ( was for her family they didn’t like me)

When I ask for my things around the last time I talk to her she avoid the question and said so your going continue message me.

Anyways she takes tablets for something but she doesn’t take them for long, she’s moody if she doesn’t get money or fails out with family members, she would be blunt with me like it’s my fault saying she taking medication and having a early night, then that would course use argument,

I just want to know why she keeping a hold of my things she the phone was for FaceTime and etc she has another phone, I see she posting on instagram with the phone showing is she doing it so I contact and ask for it, tbw I had blocked everything cause I always look on social media and i was holding onto hope!

But that’s it why didn’t she give me closure in case this relationship doesn’t work and she can say I have your things or doesn’t she not even think like that,
Am just so heart broken I could never go back when I know another man been there be no trust I miss her everyday but I also say if she can leave me and not have the decency after all the good I’ve done, also don’t like the thought she hasn’t thought for her little people can you help me please sorry for the essay

[kells76]

Hi Mr bbbs, welcome to the group 

If BPD is in play in a relationship, there can be a lot of confusion and questions, just like you're experiencing. You're not alone in trying to make sense of what happened.

BPD is a real and serious condition. It's more than just a personality style (which is flexible), it's a personality disorder (which is a pretty rigid and less functional way to go through life). We can't diagnose your ex here -- we're peers, not professionals -- but what I can say is whatever is going on, whatever it would be called, wasn't a relationship that worked.

pwBPD (persons with BPD) often make choices based on their intense, overwhelming, and wildly varying inner emotions. Managing those out-of-control emotions is often their top focus. That means that they may say and do things that "don't make sense" to us externally... but do make sense to them based on what they're feeling.

It may not be possible to explain every detail of exactly why she did what she did on social media, or why she still has some of your things. It could be BPD tendencies (she's doing those things to manage her intense emotions)... it could also be part of a normal messy breakup. Breakups happen to everyone and are rarely clean. The "breakup with satisfying closure" is more rare than common, I suspect (I think I got meaningful closure from 1 out of 4 breakups, all with "generally normal" partners); it'd be even rarer when BPD might be in play.

All that to say -- if it's closure you are seeking, you may need to provide that for yourself, by getting support for yourself here, and/or with a therapist or counselor. Feel free to talk through things here and learn more about yourself and why you were attracted to her; that's ultimately where you'll get the most clarity 

...

Has anything changed with her having your stuff, over the last week or so?