Parental Alienation

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi, everyone. This is my first post.

My ex has BPD. We broke up during the pandemic. We have a daughter who will be 13 soon. For about 18 months, we coparented well, but last year my ex accused me of molesting our daughter and cut off all contact. I have been working through the courts and have been declared a parent, but I need a good therapist who specializes in parental alienation, ideally licensed in Colorado. We have been working with another therapist, but she did not seem able to push back against my ex or really help facilitate reunification for me with my daughter.

Thanks for any help or suggestions that you might have.

THouse23

[THouse23]

Hi, everyone. This is my first post.

My ex has BPD. We broke up during the pandemic. We have a daughter who will be 13 soon. For about 18 months, we coparented well, but last year my ex accused me of molesting our daughter and cut off all contact. I have been working through the courts and have been declared a parent, but I need a good therapist who specializes in parental alienation, ideally licensed in Colorado. We have been working with another therapist, but she did not seem able to push back against my ex or really help facilitate reunification for me with my daughter.

Thanks for any help or suggestions that you might have.

THouse23

[ForeverDad]

The legal or psychological concept of Parental Alienation has had a rough past and triggered resistance in the mental halth community for many years.  For years there was denial it even existed, however the fact that it happens in front of our eyes requires some sort of explanation.

A more recent approach, that parental alienation is an aspect of child abuse, seems to have a better footing.  Dr. Craig Childress speaks of Jiu-Jitsu parenting style to address the lack of therapeutic response and approaches to reverse the overwhelming impact.

PDF | Ju-Jitsu Parenting ~ C.A. Childress, Psy.D.

[EyesUp]

Hello and welcome.

Potential resources...

Reading:
Divorce Poison - Warshak
Don't Alienate The Kids - Eddy
Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex - Baker and Fine

ISNAF:
https://isnaf.info/ - much longer list of resources available on this site

Online community:
https://parentalalienationanonymous.com/ - advocates a 12-step program including acceptance of a higher power - may or may not resonate with you, but you may find it useful to connect with a diverse community with shared experience.  I attended a few sessions and gained some perspective:  My 16yo daughter still spends time at my house, albeit with maximum opposition.  Many people at PAA meetings are completely iced out, some for decades.  Everything is relative.  The lesson at PAA is:  It takes two to fight.  So don't fight.  It's very hard to put this into practice if you have contact or recent contact with your child.

Consider reaching out to local family services and ask for referrals for Family Systems Therapy (different than reunification therapy) - this could be a good vector to identify resources in your area who are aware of PA dynamics, and who may be able to help you identify options, even if you don't engage for Family Systems Therapy...

There are many providers / professionals / youtubers / facebook groups / instagram experts cultivating what I think of as the "Parental Alienation Industrial Complex" - My $0.02:  litigation is rarely a solution to psychological problems / family dynamics.  Legal professionals are gaining awareness of PA, but...  it's difficult to manage, at best.  I haven't heard of a single case of successful reunification therapy - many stories are just the opposite.

At or near the top of experts and advisors is Amy Baker:  https://www.amyjlbaker.com/

It's good that you're seeking resources and support.  Take your time, do your diligence, remain skeptical of magic bullets, and above all:  As you navigate this harsh landscape, take care of yourself.

Take care, and please let us know how you're doing.