Healing lessons...

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

2 years on...

Hi guys, I thought I'd just share with you my paticular situation. I was with my BPDex for 2 years and now have been split up for just over another 2 years.

I can't explain how hard the last four years have been but I'm sure you all have more then a good idea as to what I faced in this relationship aswell as after.

The reason for me posting here today after such a long time is because until just before Xmas I was seeing someone for the first after my BPD ex.

We had only been texting and meeting for a couple of months but in this time I had grown quite fond of this girl in question.Although As time has gone on it has fizzled out apparently.

Now leads me to my real point... After seeing this girl and taking a big risk to get involved w/ someone I have realised exactly how much a BPD really does mess with your head. A couple of months back before meeting this girl I was back in full swing (rarely thinking about BPDex, loving myself, living my own life etc).

But something horrible happened, I crumbled. I couldn't take how cool this girl was being about things, after being used to the BPD crazy way of life it was so strange.

Don't get me wrong i tried my hardest to play it kool and be the same way I was pre scarring BPD experiences but it just wasn't the same. My mind was constantly double guessing everything, thinking she had an ulterior motive etc. Although to be fair to myself she wasn't exactly the most co operative at times. I would get silence for a week on end and then would get a message like nothing had happened (suffice to say this type of game playing after BPD hell for 4 years is a little too much to handle!)

Anyways, I just wanted to say that the biggest tragedy of it all is this: through my neediness, insecurity and general lack of trust in anyone or anything since my BPDex gave me c-PTSD i totally screwed up what could have been a lovely partnership.

And that's the lesson here, don't let the dark past ruin what can be a bright future. I know I have already and I don't intend to keep on this way!

[Hellothere]

2 years on...

Hi guys, I thought I'd just share with you my paticular situation. I was with my BPDex for 2 years and now have been split up for just over another 2 years.

I can't explain how hard the last four years have been but I'm sure you all have more then a good idea as to what I faced in this relationship aswell as after.

The reason for me posting here today after such a long time is because until just before Xmas I was seeing someone for the first after my BPD ex.

We had only been texting and meeting for a couple of months but in this time I had grown quite fond of this girl in question.Although As time has gone on it has fizzled out apparently.

Now leads me to my real point... After seeing this girl and taking a big risk to get involved w/ someone I have realised exactly how much a BPD really does mess with your head. A couple of months back before meeting this girl I was back in full swing (rarely thinking about BPDex, loving myself, living my own life etc).

But something horrible happened, I crumbled. I couldn't take how cool this girl was being about things, after being used to the BPD crazy way of life it was so strange.

Don't get me wrong i tried my hardest to play it kool and be the same way I was pre scarring BPD experiences but it just wasn't the same. My mind was constantly double guessing everything, thinking she had an ulterior motive etc. Although to be fair to myself she wasn't exactly the most co operative at times. I would get silence for a week on end and then would get a message like nothing had happened (suffice to say this type of game playing after BPD hell for 4 years is a little too much to handle!)

Anyways, I just wanted to say that the biggest tragedy of it all is this: through my neediness, insecurity and general lack of trust in anyone or anything since my BPDex gave me c-PTSD i totally screwed up what could have been a lovely partnership.

And that's the lesson here, don't let the dark past ruin what can be a bright future. I know I have already and I don't intend to keep on this way!

[Pingo]

Hi Hellothere,  sounds like she had an avoidant attachment style which would definitely raise those feelings of insecurity in most people.  I don't think it's just bc you were in a r/s with a pwBPD although I certainly can relate to your feelings and why you would think that.

I think we question so much after we get out of these crazy r/ss so we automatically think there's something wrong with us when we feel 'needy' or insecure.  But sometimes we have these feelings bc the other person isn't actually being very nice.  It isn't nice to just disappear for a week and then return as if nothing happened.  It's certainly not very considerate.  Some would argue that if you just don't have any expectations that you can let go of your insecure feelings but I think it would be better to find someone who makes you feel at ease in the r/s bc they aren't playing the avoidant game (or any games). 

[Hellothere]

Hi there Thankyou for replying to my post.  A lot of if not all of what you said  is spot on right. I've been trying my best not to let it get to me but it's hard when you hear things like "I've never anyone as interesting as you" and all that speil.  I don't think it's a red flag tho as I have got quite a lot going on a the moment, eek!

I just found it too much to deal when she also told me initially she approached me cos you she liked me when we first met. I'm just too fragile too be picked up and dropped like that.