Two messages from her, from this morning.

[Pretty Woman]

Summer Storm,

  I don't want to sound like I'm ganging up on you... .I'm not... .but I agree with the others here.

Being in your shoes I know a part of you was happy to hear from her. Been there.

Personally I would not have replied at all. Any reply is contact. She wanted to let you know she is single.

Who the eff cares? She treated you like shyt. Any response is a challenge.

Mine jumped right into therapy to get me back. Did she follow through? No. She went to a run of the mill therapist that I doubt knew she was BPD. She only went to this therapist five times:

-When she callously dumped me to "see other people" and I met someone else during that time. She came back and went to therapy to "save us". I dumped a great gal to take her back.

-She saw her therapist the day she dumped me. She was already cheating on me with someone else and told me the therapist told her "you have come a long way" and was really proud of her. She then told me the therapist agreed I friend zoned her so she was dumping me for someone else.

You are best to ignore her and find a super new gal. You sound like a great person. Responding only feeds into them. They are predators. Don't feed a predator.


PW

[Skip]

It's really hard to find a baseline emotion when a recent lover contacts us.  I'm amazed at how hard it has been for me - but I accept this and rely on confidants to ground me - keep me from over reading, over reaching, over reacting, over... .

One way we support each other (as outsiders to the relationship) is to help members in this situation home to a unaffected baseline.  The worse thing we can do is to drive them to an elevated emotional state.

In reading this thread, I come away thinking that maybe we should just say we are trying to help someone get back down to baseline. It might feel invalidating if we're not saying what we are trying to accomplish.

EMAIL: I'm not moving anymore and C (bf) and I broke up.

These impulsive contacts from ex's are really hard to navigate.

• The whole situation with the move and the breakup could change at any minute. Might simply be an over-reaction on her part.

• Over reading the note on our part is easy (both positive or negative) - this most likely was a probe for validation (sorry it didn't work out, he's a creep, need a hug)

• Over engaging (or over resisting) the note on our part is a trap we want to avoid falling into.

• Separating how we really feel at time like this is hard, we have so many emotions in play - hope, caution, fear, hurt, desire for vindication, etc.