Have to go away - any last minute advice?

[TigerEye]

I am a freelancer and work has been a little short over the last 12 months, but I have to fly to USA tomorrow morning for work, I'm going to be away for 10 days.

6 Months ago my SO had to endure a major incident (now has possible PTSD on top of BPD) which meant we have been dealing with dysregulation on a scale I never knew was possible, until I found this site!

Because of boundary issues, we had a short split in our r/s before Christmas and I have been working to stabilize our r/s since then. The job offer came up several weeks ago and I have kept it in conversation ever since, trying to reassure her that I am not abandoning her. As the job has got nearer she has been pushing me away, a sure sign that the abandonment issue was coming to a head. Every time I have tried to talk to her about it, she just says that everything is fine, she didn't have a problem with me being away - until today - I finally managed to get her to admit that she was feeling abandoned. This is a concern as it is when she feels this way that she tends to act without thinking of the consequences.

I am trying to do what I can to let her know I'm coming back. I am leaving her with her favorite item of my clothing, with my aftershave on it, I'm leaving a picture of us with a personal note on it. I was just wondering if anyone had any other tips for making this a little easier for us both?

Thank you for any ideas.

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[CodependentHusband]

Wow... 10 days. I can see why that might be rough for her, and, as a result, you too. Everything you have done sounds like exactly the right things to do! It looks like to me that you have done a good job of reading the lessons and reading up on this. With that said, have some realistic expectations about what's going to happen is the only thing I can think of that might be helpful to you. The things you have done to prepare WILL help the situation, but there is no cure for the pwBPD, at least not without them going to therapy. If she acts out when you call or email home, reassure her, but disengage if and when she starts to act out. We can make things as good as they can be... .  how godd that's going to be is going to vary in different situations.