Does your head just turn to mush when you're about to see them?

[Winglessfallen]

I went home crying today for lunch and wouldn't talk to my BPDgf about it.  All day I've thought about why I was so upset and wanted to end it and knew all the reason, and everything.  And now, 15 minutes before I go home, I have no idea how to express my feelings or why I was so upset.  Is this normal?  Am I just overloaded?  This is what makes me feel like I'm making a big deal of nothing, or at the least makes me SEEM like it when I go to express why I feel the way I do.  This is really aggravating.

[Clearmind]

I felt the same way! I put it down my relationship being completely enmeshed. I no longer knew where I started and my BPD Partner began.

It's likely you have become accustomed to your needs not being met, not knowing your limits and not protecting yourself with boundaries in the process.

Is there a reason why you feel like your needs don't matter? Are your needs being met? What emotions are you feeling - can you describe them?

[morningagain]

overwhelmed.  bewildered.  my own demeanor and feelings flip-flopping in the face of her smile or her deflection and anger at me or someone else on an unexpected topic. just as a couple examples.  it is not just you, wingless.

been there, done that.

i never knew how and never stumbled upon the solution to gain and hold my stability and clearmind while in the relationship turmoil periods, or for a long time after separation.

Keep looking, reading, researching, reaching out to others.  Do not isolate.  Your stability will happen.  More and more.  Then it will happen when you face her.  Instability will recur, and then the day will come when you are you, clearheaded and strong regardless of the situation you face.