Husband is always grumpy after Therapy

[Cloudy Days]

I have figured out that every time my husband goes to therapy, he comes home grumpy 90% of the time. Is this how it is going to be for the reminder of his therapy. I know he has a lot of work to do and a lot of trauma to get through. He said his therapist usually just ends things abruptly so he leaves in a bad mood. I have also noticed that the next day is usually harder than usual. He tends to show more borderline behaviors, accusing me of cheating, starting fights out of nowhere, depression. I have seen a difference in him in how he reacts. It seems like he is trying, and he has been apologising after every slip up, they also are shorter than they used to be. However i'm starting to hate it when he goes Therapy, is this normal? He also said his Therapist keeps telling him he is a Victim because he was abused. He was victimized. I didn't think that was the mentality that they wanted to teach him. A lot of his PTSD had to do with being brutally beaten in Jail. He's never been the same person since. He doesn't want to see himself as a victim, I actually thought Borderlines always saw themselves as the Victim. It has me scratching my head. I know they aren't all the same though. How is seeing himself as a victim going to help him?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rockylove]

I don't think it's all that unusual for your husband to be out of sorts after a session... .  I know from my own experience (I'm not BPD but have gone to therapy for other issues) that stirring up issues made me very anxious for a few days afterward.  I think that's normal.

As for the methods your husband's therapist uses, if he isn't comfortable perhaps he should seek counsel elsewhere... .  not all therapists are the same.  It took me several sessions with at least 3 or 4 therapists before finding one that I felt established a good rapport with me.  There are some that are very set in their therapeutic philosophy and not all patients can be treated the same.  How long has your husband been visiting this particular therapist?

[Cloudy Days]

He's been seeing her for 7 months now, and I have seen a difference in him. I know it is normal for him to be opening up old wounds and it's going to put him in a mood. The day after his Therapy he was pretty wonderful so I guess it's working. He has Therapy again today, I guess we will see how it goes. He seems more mindful of his moods lately, Like he is trying to stay in a calm mood and he has been apologising when he didn't even need to. He seems to like his therapist, She is his favortie out of the ones he has had. She seems to have done the greatest ammount of good so far and I think he trusts her. Which says a lot for my husband. I just wasn't sure about the ending abrubtly and him being in a mood when he leaves, that doesn't seem like a great plan to me.

[Foreverhopefull]

It took my husband about 9 months to a year before he came back from his T without being grumpy or even being in a bad/dark mood for days after. It's worst with his psychiatrist.

Now, he has confidence in his T, so he comes home with a smile 90% of the time... .  and he came home, for the first time, with a smile and saying it was a good session with the psychiatrist last month. He's been seeing both for the almost 2 years straight (5 all in all). It's hard to be expected to put words to feelings that they don't understand well anyway or to connect and trust this person.

Give it time, the more he trusts the T and participate in the sessions, the better the mood after.

[Rockylove]

there is always the possibility that he doesn't get around to saying what he's wanting to say until the session has almost ended.  The therapist has to call time at a certain point whether or not he's finished his tale or not.  Some times it takes a lot of poking and prodding to get someone to talk and then "time's up" leaving them feeling cheated. 

I do hope things come together for him.

[Cloudy Days]

It took my husband about 9 months to a year before he came back from his T without being grumpy or even being in a bad/dark mood for days after. It's worst with his psychiatrist.

Well, At least there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am seeing obvious improvements so I suppose this is one that will also follow at some point. He is starting to look forward to therapy, something that was unheard of a year ago. I had to go to his first three appointments with him just so he would go. I just hate it when he comes home in a bad mood. Especially if he was in a good mood going into it, which has happend a lot.

[Foreverhopefull]

It's hard for us to see someone we love soo much unhappy, that's normal.

I try to step away from feeling like this by reminding myself that his mood is not related to us, the household or anything else I can try to "fix". I would try to make something he liked for diner, keep things as calmed as I could in the house, in other words, do things I knew I could do for him.

Now, he comes home and it's like he just took a walk or did an errand.