My uncle's coming for a visit…

[justnothing]

I'm not sure if this is necessarily the right place to post about this because it's about my uncle and I'm pretty sure he doesn't have BPD. It's just that it's kind of related to the messed up boundaries that seem to run in my family in general… and also kind of to the whole… messier part of my relationship with my mother.

To make a long story short: we live in different countries, we're sexually attracted to each other, he seems to want to become enmeshed with me, he's the only real family I have and the only one I could turn to if I ever had a real life crisis, I've been trying to keep the boundaries by simply only ever chatting with him online once a week or so… and now he's going to be coming for a visit next month. It'll be for one week and he'll be staying at my place.

I told him about the thing with my mother, I told him I don't feel all that comfortable with him coming, I told him my therapist doesn't recommend it, I told him I love him and don't want him to feel bad or rejected… I told him he could come anyway… and now he's coming over and I feel like such a s#*thead…

I'm really, really, really afraid of pushing him away and having him feel rejected but at the same time I'm hating myself for letting him come over. He wants to hug and kiss me and s#*t… and I keep telling myself that we'll just go out to public places and sight seeing and stuff like that and sure I'll be able to maintain proper boundaries… but I'm still irked. Not sure what to do.

[Clearmind]

jsutnothing, it sounds to me like you are accommodating a person who you do not wish to accommodate - meaning you are overstepping your own feelings to be nice.

There is a price for being nice - you are compromised.

So can I can clarify - you don't want him to stay? Do you want him to visit?

[justnothing]

I had conflicting feelings about him coming but I talked to him about it again last night and just asked him not to come and even explained to him frankly why. Thanks for your reply though.

[Clearmind]

Awesome just nothing! Its so important to have boundaries and stick up for you. We all too often sacrifice ourselves to ensure someone else's happiness.