reflections.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I guess today is my day of looking back and wonder how I got here. Im not sure but it was a like a perfect storm. a combination of alot of diffrent factors that came togther with  perfect time is all I can think of. When I met my exBPDgf, I was recovering from a deadly illness that I had battle for a number of years, I was going through a divorce and was starting a new job. when I met her I was instatley attarcted to her. but I remember my gut was telling me something ws wrong with that picture. But I ignored it. Im mean she was gorgeous, great personality, well eductated and a professional. I attempted to get to know her and she was very into me. and we started. It took off at warped speed. I remeber the words she used during the idoling phase. I was what she prayed for, she thought she would never love like this again, I was her best friends, we had a soul connection, I could almost read her thoughts and that I what she wanted in a man, I was the best thing she had ever found. I guess my self esteem had taken a hit after my divorce and also going thru my sickness. I mean in my mind she was the perfect person and she wanted me. I have never had trouble in my life getting women and I had never had a problem walking away from problem relationships. I had walked away before and never looked back. But this one sunk its teeth in me and I couldnt turn loose. I remebr the first blow up and I think that was when I got hooked. She exploded over something very minor and I rember I was shocked I had never seen something like that. before it was over with I was saying I was sorry and i couldnt remember what I had done. but I think that made me feel so bad about myself is where I got hooked. after that it was it was a break up about every 6 to 8 weeks with her always attempting the recycle and me allowing it, becasue she convinced me that she had been wrong and couldnt live with out me. I would alway bite and go back. Im at the stage where I dont think a recycle is possible. After it all at this point she has nothing I ever what hear again. Im curious is my reflctions on all this healthy and normal at this stage.

[mitchell16]

I guess today is my day of looking back and wonder how I got here. Im not sure but it was a like a perfect storm. a combination of alot of diffrent factors that came togther with  perfect time is all I can think of. When I met my exBPDgf, I was recovering from a deadly illness that I had battle for a number of years, I was going through a divorce and was starting a new job. when I met her I was instatley attarcted to her. but I remember my gut was telling me something ws wrong with that picture. But I ignored it. Im mean she was gorgeous, great personality, well eductated and a professional. I attempted to get to know her and she was very into me. and we started. It took off at warped speed. I remeber the words she used during the idoling phase. I was what she prayed for, she thought she would never love like this again, I was her best friends, we had a soul connection, I could almost read her thoughts and that I what she wanted in a man, I was the best thing she had ever found. I guess my self esteem had taken a hit after my divorce and also going thru my sickness. I mean in my mind she was the perfect person and she wanted me. I have never had trouble in my life getting women and I had never had a problem walking away from problem relationships. I had walked away before and never looked back. But this one sunk its teeth in me and I couldnt turn loose. I remebr the first blow up and I think that was when I got hooked. She exploded over something very minor and I rember I was shocked I had never seen something like that. before it was over with I was saying I was sorry and i couldnt remember what I had done. but I think that made me feel so bad about myself is where I got hooked. after that it was it was a break up about every 6 to 8 weeks with her always attempting the recycle and me allowing it, becasue she convinced me that she had been wrong and couldnt live with out me. I would alway bite and go back. Im at the stage where I dont think a recycle is possible. After it all at this point she has nothing I ever what hear again. Im curious is my reflctions on all this healthy and normal at this stage.

[blecker]

Yes.

These were unbelieveable experiences in our lives. Profound really. Life changing. They literally sucked the life out of us.

It takes time to make sense of it all.

Be kind to yourself.