Cutting for the scars?

[pandamama]

d17 said she cuts because she likes the scars, not the pain. Any experience or insight into that?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BioAdoptMom3]

I don't know, but lately our DD has been wearing short sleeves and shorts even though she has all these scars all over her.  She used to wear long sleeves even on hot days.  After reading your post I am thinking... .  

[griz]

My DD will wear long sleeves to cover up her cuts right after she cuts but seems to have no problem wearing short sleeves or shorts any other time.  Sometimes I do believe she wears her scars proudly.

Griz

[Elfie]

It could be that it's a way to try to express inner pain and turmoil through a physical example, if that makes sense (as in, it's too hard to try to describe their emotional turmoil using words, so the scars are there as an outward symbol to the world of their inner pain). It also could partially be for attention or a reaction.

[somuchlove]

I know that cutting and tatoo's are totally different but sometimes my dd will say when things are rough, I need to get another tatoo.  I think some are really neat but I wondering if, for her it isn't a sign of covering herself up, or pain of it or something.  I don't know.  One time her sister made a comment about the same thing.  Interesting that we were thinking the same thing.

[griz]

My DD does not have any tatoos but is always saying she wants one.  I really thought that on her 18th birthday she would run out to get one.  I have nothing against tatoo's so I told her if she ever really decided I would like to discuss it and take her so I could make sure the place was clean and safe.  I am not sure what the reasoning is: is it to cover up, to hide, to get attention I really don't know.  I have always tried to sway her against getting one just because I have always worried that she would be unhappy someday that she had gotten one.

Last week she actually brought it up again and asked me if she could get a tatoo of a semicolon on her inner arm.  I asked her why a semicolon and she said.  A semicolon is a punctuation used where a sentence could have ended but didn't... . just like my life.  I almost drove of the damn parkway.  Yes there was a point when I had resigned myself that it was just a matter of time before she found a way to escape the dreadful life she was living and somehow she pushed through.  There are still times that I worry and I don;t think that worry will ever leave me... . but a semicolon... . I'm kind of liking that idea.

Griz

[Reality]

griz,

I love the semi-colon.  So insightful and clever.  A semi-colon is a very good thing.

Reality

[Thursday]

I too believe that SD cuts for attention. Even the bulky sweaters in summertime to

"hide" her cutting were to call attention to the fact that she had cut. I'm pretty sure she knew that if one day she was complaining about the heat, running around in a tank top and shorts and the next day, even hotter, she appeared in a sweater, well, surely someone would ask why. And then she could do the "sad reveal". I am still creeped out by the memory of the look that would cross her face, self-satisfied?, as she slowly drew up the sleeve to show the cutting.

She never cut deeply enough to make a scar. I don't think she could tolerate that sort of pain when she was a teen.

About a year ago she told her Dad that she had started cutting again. He expressed concern that she was going to scar herself and wanted her to consider how she would feel to have to explain this to, say, a future love interest. Her response has been to cut deeper. Now, as little as we see her in person she wants to get together when the cutting is fresh and she will wear a top to show it. She will push up her sleeves. Again and again.

Tattoos- I'm not opposed, would not be upset if my bioDD got a tattoo (she would like to but wants a memorial tattoo for her Dad, something from a certain artist, would have to travel and pay big bucks and right now she is saving to buy a house), however... .

SD gets a new tattoo whenever she has a few bucks and since a few bucks is all she pays for she has really cruddy tattoos. Blobby, poorly executed, to me very untalented artwork... . in a word simply CHEAP. She has about ten unrelated tattoos at this point. Most are just black and most are on her neck (six of the ten). She doesn't have any tats in places that are hidden. I think a neck tattoo is pretty "in your face" and an amateurishly executed black tree silhouette behind your ear, running down your neck may prevent you from being hired. It looks like a huge birthmark as you can't see the top of the tree with her hair down, the base of the tree just looks horrible. She isn't edgy but her tattoos look like she got them in prison by a big scary gal convicted of armed robbery.

It makes me feel sad, such an outward expression of her unhappiness and dissatisfaction with who she is. I see girls she associates with who have amazing tatoos, expertly expressing their points of view, even if dark, still beautiful. SD hasn't even gotten the tattoos right. What she wanted from them she will never have because her impulses and disordered thinking stand in the way of her using this artform to illustrate herself. It's as if she gets the tattoo when she is hurting and it is a black scar. Just an ugly black scar.