Could I have BPD?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

 1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

-->Not sure. Don't think so I guess.

  2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

-->Nope... .   although she was my first real relationship and love, so this is difficult to answer. 

  3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

-->Check. Been this way since I was a kid. Although I do have unwavering interests and hobbies that don't depend on who I'm around.

  4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

-->Nope.

  5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

-->Wouldn't say recurrent... .  

  6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

-->Check.

  7. chronic feelings of emptiness

-->Check.

  8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

-->Check. I was the emotionally abusive one in the relationship.

  9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

-->?

[mtmc01]

 1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

-->Not sure. Don't think so I guess.

  2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

-->Nope... .   although she was my first real relationship and love, so this is difficult to answer. 

  3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

-->Check. Been this way since I was a kid. Although I do have unwavering interests and hobbies that don't depend on who I'm around.

  4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

-->Nope.

  5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

-->Wouldn't say recurrent... .  

  6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

-->Check.

  7. chronic feelings of emptiness

-->Check.

  8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

-->Check. I was the emotionally abusive one in the relationship.

  9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

-->?

[Clearmind]

mtmc01, many of us have traits - doesn't mean we would be diagnosed. In fact many of our ex's may also have traits and not be diagnosed. We really don't know.

Before you self diagnose, have you considered chatting to a therapist? If we put our ex's behavior under the microscope for long enough we can start to believe we are also BPD.

Sometimes it helps to put down the magnifying glass 

Diagnosis: What are the new DSM-5.0 criteria for BPD?

If you look at the new DSM we could all probably come up with some impairments (see Reply #2 in the link)

[mtmc01]

I've been seeing a therapist ever since the split. She doesn't think I have it. I've been reading Walking on Eggshells though, and some of it resonates for how I feel like I might have been making her feel. I actually am not sure about the self image part. But I definitely have at least some traits.

[Clearmind]

I edited my initial post to include a link mtmc - have a look

[Hurt llama]

According to those questions and answers, I clearly have it too.

and I have thought about it and other disorders as well... .

But no... .   i doubt you have it, as evidenced by you even questioning it ().

it's largely about an ability to connect with remorse, empathy, guilt, shame... .   The difference in my ex with most other people I know is stark... .

[mango_flower]

I feel like I have only acquired some of these traits since her... .  

Fears of abandoment - huh - well NOW I do! 

Intense and unstable relationships - yes, but that was her part in it... .   wasn't it? 

Chronic feelings of emptiness - again, I have them NOW

Maybe I caught BPD by osmosis?   

On a serious note though - I too don't really know who I am... .   I don't even know what I like, sometimes I wonder if I just do the things I do, as that is what I do... .   do I really enjoy them?  I don't know. But then, I do know (for example) that I prefer Rom Coms to Horror Movies and stuff like that... .  

Oh it's confusing!

[Clearmind]

Not all folks attach to Borderlines and not all Borderlines attach to just anyone - there are reasons why we did. This doesn't make us BPD however it does throw up some points to consider as to our own core issues/personal traits.

Some of us believe that our partners will be happy in the new relationship without reminding themselves that (a) your ex had some pervasive patterns of behavior that will repeat themselves in the new relationship and (b) whoever chooses a Borderline has their own pervasive patterns of behavior and have some learning in their future – this goes for the new person in your partners life and you (you both chose a BPD).

Side Note: This is the reason I have empathy for my ex's new partner - she has some learning in her future just like I did.

hit

What is helpful is how you score on the DSM V – it can illustrate that we may have some work to do on our own core issues.

Our partners may be BPD or have BPD traits (more often than not) however we negate to see our own level of impairment – our own personality style (those being our own personal traits and patterns of behavior).

Maybe have a think about your own patterns of behavior and what triggers you into demonstrating those patterns of behavior. Its these personal traits and patterns of behavior that helped us choose a Borderline.

Moving forward is about seeing your role in this dance.

hit_

The DSM V uses a sliding scale ranging from Healthy (0), Mild impairment (1), Impaired (2), Very Impaired (3) and Extreme Impairment (4).

Take "empathy" as an example - part of the DSM V

(The remaining scales are listed here:  dsm5.org/ProposedRevisions.aspx?rid=468)

Healthy (0) Capable of accurately understanding others’ experiences and motivations in most situations. Comprehends and appreciates others’ perspectives, even if disagreeing.  Is aware of the effect of own actions on others.

Mild impairment (1) Somewhat compromised in ability to appreciate and understand others’ experiences; may tend to see others as having unreasonable expectations or a wish for control. Although capable of considering and understanding different perspectives, resists doing so. Inconsistent is awareness of effect of own behavior on others.

Impaired (2) Hyper-attuned to the experience of others, but only with respect to perceived relevance to self. Excessively self-referential; significantly compromised ability to appreciate and understand others’ experiences and to consider alternative perspectives. Generally unaware of or unconcerned about effect of own behavior on others, or unrealistic appraisal of own effect.

Very Impaired (3) Ability to consider and understand the thoughts, feelings and behavior of other people is significantly limited; may discern very specific aspects of others’ experience, particularly vulnerabilities and suffering.  Generally unable to consider alternative perspectives; highly threatened by differences of opinion or alternative viewpoints. Confusion or unawareness of impact of own actions on others; often bewildered about peoples’ thoughts and actions, with destructive motivations frequently misattributed to others.

Extreme Impairment (4)  Pronounced inability to consider and understand others’ experience and motivation. Attention to others' perspectives virtually absent (attention is hypervigilant, focused on need-fulfillment and harm avoidance).  Social interactions can be confusing and disorienting.

hit_

Where do you rate on the DSM V?

[bb12]

We may not have BPD, but can have disordered thinking of some kind.

If we acknoledge that we are possible codpendents / empaths... .   then where is the line between that and Dependent Personality Disorder?

I think we are very similar to our exes on a number of levels - primarily emotional maturity. We both had a trauma of some sort in our childhoods that made us the way we are. Their's perhaps earlier in life (under 5) and us perhaps a little later. A pwBPD needs to cut off from reality and create a false self so their road to recovery is more difficult because they would need to go way back to that as a starting point. I think some of us might detach, depersonalise, lose the ability to feel and rely too much on rationalising our way through life. We please and make things about other people so as to 'read the room' and mitigate disasters. I am sure this can lead to unusual coping and behvioural patterns, and that these DO need addressing.

But ultimately, our ability to address these and the chance of successfully changing these is far, far greater.

BB12

[Hurt llama]

^nailed it in the last sentence... .  

I don't have BPD... . ... . but I do clearly see the effects and how I have developed some similarities of sensitivity of being ignored, etc... .   I think it's mostly a "Stockholme Syndrome" effect.