Recycling / Being Kept on the Back Burner

[RunLoLaRun]

Picking up myself after these last 8-9 months and the udBPD wife who is living it up (found out through mutual friends) with her new found friends taking on their interests, outlooks, causes etc, etc (chameleon?) in another town. That didn't bother me except the lies/half truths, behavior I didn't want to know about maybe she is trisexual now, her ongoing belligerent rants with me/hanging up and now episodes of the silent treatment (yes I know it is the condition but I still get upset by the fact she is full blown now. I never witness this severity in 16 years.) There is rarely stability to cooperate w/me to take care of business so both of us can move on. All this time it has been push and pull making me believe that she is sincere (I really wanted to believe her, maybe she truly is at that moment) and she wants to stay on friendly terms after the divorce. Then the cycling begins again with insulting rants and periods of dissociation possibly a bi polar episode. Then a few days or a week passes she will call me feeling terribly upset about her sudden departure, poor behavior and the recent episode. She is coherent and sounds sincere in expressing her appreciation that I will listen. I will validate her but it is short lived. I am seeing this pattern emerge now every 3 weeks or so. Interesting that she won't come clean about the flings (I can't call those affairs) I sense she feels so much shame and doesn't want me to look down on her with disapproval. Knowing more about BPD I have no idea if she carried on with others during our relationship. I've had time to heal and not get jealous and accept it for what it is.

So here's what really bothers me. 2 weeks ago she cycled into another down right depressing tirade of projecting then over the weekend she calls me up in tears upset reminiscing of our time together and how much she missed me, loved me and was so apologetic. Last time she called in tears was during the holidays. I got this distinct impression she wants me to believe she is just going through a mid-life crises attempting to find herself stating her current world is beige compared to what she had with me so that she can feel better (because she feels terrible). If she doesn't tarnish her image maybe there is a chance later for something

I see this has become a chronic cycle and I do feel for her. I guess I am ranting because of the grief I feel that she will not get help. In other words when I feel more upbeat and hopeful of moving forward she cycles and I have to attempt to not be sucked into the chaotic abyss of BPD yet I do. We live in separate towns. I have moments of radical acceptance at this whole situation and compassion for her but to continue like this during and after the divorce either I have to be detached emotionally or detached completely.    I know it is not normal human relating and it is very clear with the recurrent dramas and that is why it is so very difficult. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells when the phone rings and it is her.

[benny2]

I really feel for you. I know the cycles are soo difficult. I have noticed also that my pwBPD is cycling more often than normal. Of course whats normal under these conditions. Only a month and a half since he confessed his undying love to me again, and hes pushing away. Not calling me as much, not inviting me over as much, and detaching. I feel he is somewhat hanging on to me because he has some need for me. I believe that is pretty much all they feel is need. I'm all alone here in this town as my family has all moved away. I think thats why its so easy for me to be drawn back in by him, but I know I have to throw in the towel. I need a normal, healthy relationship and that I will never have with him. It is so sad and difficult to figure out. Not knowing why they push you away is the most difficult for me. I know its part of the disorder, but I can't help but think there is someone else in the picture as he always has someone lined up. I think I will back out peacefully this time where as before the hurt took over and it ends in a childish war. There has to  be a time when you just say NO MORE!