Psychosomatic, Attention or Real Illness

[Rockylove]

Now, please send some of your job luck my way!

You got it, arabella!  Sending you all the good juju I can muster!   

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rockylove]

I make sure that I am available to him if he needs me but I distance myself enough to give him the message that I am not going to coddle him and hover over him like his overprotective mother did.

Unfortunately, my bf's mother was neither coddling nor over protective.  She ignored him.  She still does.  She doesn't want to hear when something is wrong.  When his brother was extremely ill and hospitalized, WE went to Arizona to take care of him (as well as his house and pets).  His mother called once during the month we were there and sent a check.  That's always her answer... .  throw some money at them.  It's no wonder he's craving attention, but it does wear me down. 

I told him yesterday that it tears me up to hear him in so much pain and feeling helpless to do anything about it.  Oddly enough, when I got home from work, he was much much better!  The things that make me say hmmmm

[zaqsert]

I'm in a good mood... .  got a job!  No really... .  a full time benefits and all job!  go me!

Congratulations, Rockylove!  Go you!

[Kunoichi]

I make sure that I am available to him if he needs me but I distance myself enough to give him the message that I am not going to coddle him and hover over him like his overprotective mother did.

Unfortunately, my bf's mother was neither coddling nor over protective.  She ignored him.  She still does.  She doesn't want to hear when something is wrong.  When his brother was extremely ill and hospitalized, WE went to Arizona to take care of him (as well as his house and pets).  His mother called once during the month we were there and sent a check.  That's always her answer... .  throw some money at them.  It's no wonder he's craving attention, but it does wear me down. 

I told him yesterday that it tears me up to hear him in so much pain and feeling helpless to do anything about it.  Oddly enough, when I got home from work, he was much much better!  The things that make me say hmmmm

My situation is much much different. I have a husband whose mother never let his feet touch the ground until he was over 3 years old and every time he whimpered she was right there. She claims he was a sickly child but I have begun wondering if that was just her needing attention and not him. She hovered over him like a mother hen and was still doing it when I met him.

[waverider]

Unfortunately, my bf's mother was neither coddling nor over protective.  She ignored him.  She still does.  She doesn't want to hear when something is wrong.  When his brother was extremely ill and hospitalized, WE went to Arizona to take care of him (as well as his house and pets).  His mother called once during the month we were there and sent a check.  That's always her answer... .  throw some money at them.  It's no wonder he's craving attention, but it does wear me down. 

This is pretty much where I am at with my partners current breast cancer, No S or E from family. Throws in a bit of CAPITAL T and puts some money in her bank now and then, thats about it.

Meanwhile my partner has now upped the invalid stance, I know its a real issue this this time, but rather than make life changes to fight it she is starting to wallow in it instead. Providing 24/7 solo support is draining me. We are at the recovering from surgery stage at the moment and have yet to undergo the the endless chemo & radiotherapy yet. Not sure have we are going to cope with that.

Finding that fine line between support and wolllowing in it is hard. I think we are already heading down the path of opiate painkiller addiction which has caused serious issues in the past