Question on therapy goals

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi guys,


Now that it's been over a month since the breakup, I've decided to seek therapy. So... . I have an anxiety disorder. I'm posting this question here, because I am dealing with wounds from a failed BPD relationship obviously. Also, a lot of physical and emotional symptoms have been triggered both during and after this toxic relationship. Anyone here have any similar experience or knowledge on which to prioritize in therapy - an anxiety issue OR working on healing from this toxic relationship? (Part of me says address the relationship issues before psychological scar tissue forms and hardens, if that makes sense, but I'm unsure.)

Thanks for any help or advice!

-deretour

EDIT: I forgot to clarify - the anxiety disorder is a separate issue, independent of the relationship.

[DeRetour]

Hi guys,


Now that it's been over a month since the breakup, I've decided to seek therapy. So... . I have an anxiety disorder. I'm posting this question here, because I am dealing with wounds from a failed BPD relationship obviously. Also, a lot of physical and emotional symptoms have been triggered both during and after this toxic relationship. Anyone here have any similar experience or knowledge on which to prioritize in therapy - an anxiety issue OR working on healing from this toxic relationship? (Part of me says address the relationship issues before psychological scar tissue forms and hardens, if that makes sense, but I'm unsure.)

Thanks for any help or advice!

-deretour

EDIT: I forgot to clarify - the anxiety disorder is a separate issue, independent of the relationship.

[Hazelrah]

DeRetour,

In my humble opionion, I would follow the strategy you put forth... . relationship first, anxiety second.  An exceptional T might be able to touch on some of the anxiety issues as you work through the relationship scars.  But your most immediate need is healing from the break-up, and dealing with the fall-out will certainly leave you better able to focus on your own personal difficulties.  Just a bipartisan's view on the subject.

It's the route I've taken... . been dealing extensively with the feelings surrounding my separation.  My W had met my T for a few dual sessions a while back, so she (my T) can provide a bit more insight into the situation than a doc getting a one-sided story from a single patient.  I'm really ready to move on to my own personal demons now, however--I also suffer from somewhat severe anxiety, codependency, and an unsettling number of criteria from the BPD nine.   

[WXYZ]

Hi guys,


Now that it's been over a month since the breakup, I've decided to seek therapy. So... . I have an anxiety disorder. I'm posting this question here, because I am dealing with wounds from a failed BPD relationship obviously. Also, a lot of physical and emotional symptoms have been triggered both during and after this toxic relationship. Anyone here have any similar experience or knowledge on which to prioritize in therapy - an anxiety issue OR working on healing from this toxic relationship? (Part of me says address the relationship issues before psychological scar tissue forms and hardens, if that makes sense, but I'm unsure.)

Thanks for any help or advice!

-deretour

EDIT: I forgot to clarify - the anxiety disorder is a separate issue, independent of the relationship.

I'm in exactly the same position as you DeRetour !

Pre-existing anxiety issues !

Lifelong in my case !

I'll post my story soon ... . in a separate post as I don't want to 'hijack' your thread.

[DeRetour]

Hazelrah and WXYZ,

Thank you both for stepping forward and replying to this. I wasn't sure if this was even the place to ask, but figured some of us have this particular issue to deal with. You're certainly not alone here.

Hazelrah,

Yes, the way I see it - I've had this anxiety for as long as I can remember. The diagnosis happens to be recent. But, the relationship trauma is fresh and for that reason probably best dealt with sooner, rather than later. Thanks for sharing your opinion - I think this is probably how I'll approach things as well.

WXYZ,

I look forward to reading your thread. Take good care.

deretour

[Emelie Emelie]

I started having problems with anxiety post break up and went to my MD about it.  She gave me a prescription to Ativan which is helping.  My stomach isn't always in knots and I sleep better.  But this hasn't been a life long issue with me.  Working on the relationship issues with the T.

[DeRetour]

Emelie Emelie,

So sorry that you've dealt with this. And the knot in the stomach bit... . too familiar. Hang in there! Thanks for chiming in as well. It really helps.

[DeRetour]

Hey guys,

I have another therapy-related question for anyone currently seeing a therapist. How did you go about finding someone who has knowledge or specializes on recovery from the codependency/trauma/etc. of a relationship with a pwBPD? Did you use any particular keywords?

Thanks again!

deretour

[spaceace]

I went to my primary care doctor and was prescribed anxiety meds. It helped tremendously. Then I was clear minded and able to work on myself in therapy.

[Hazelrah]

I went to my primary care doctor and was prescribed anxiety meds. It helped tremendously. Then I was clear minded and able to work on myself in therapy.

This can be a good approach, too, especially if the manifestations of your anxiety are too much to deal with on a daily basis, or physically inhibiting.  Unfortunately, I found that the only anti-anxiety meds that worked for me are benzos, and these are extremely addictive... . as I've struggled in the past with pain meds, I know I need to keep my benzo usage somewhat infrequent, maybe once or twice a week at the most.  I definitely need that second prong of CBT to battle anxiety, etc. 

DeRetour, it could be as simple as finding a T well-versed in BPD itself... . a good doc familiar with the illness could conversely shed a lot of light on the fall-out of a relationship with a pwBPD.   

[KHC_33]

I went to my primary care doctor and was prescribed anxiety meds. It helped tremendously. Then I was clear minded and able to work on myself in therapy.

This can be a good approach, too, especially if the manifestations of your anxiety are too much to deal with on a daily basis, or physically inhibiting.  Unfortunately, I found that the only anti-anxiety meds that worked for me are benzos, and these are extremely addictive... . as I've struggled in the past with pain meds, I know I need to keep my benzo usage somewhat infrequent, maybe once or twice a week at the most.  I definitely need that second prong of CBT to battle anxiety, etc. 

DeRetour, it could be as simple as finding a T well-versed in BPD itself... . a good doc familiar with the illness could conversely shed a lot of light on the fall-out of a relationship with a pwBPD.   

I am thinking about doing the same. My anxiety only gets high when I am in contact with him. Seriously he makes me want to drink. We have some financial ties and I am not too thrilled about it. I have to keep in touch until it's paid off.

[Xtrange]

My first diagnosis was Mixed Adjustment Disorder due my separation form stbxBPDw and later Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I think it was because I had to see a psychiatrist  and to take anti-anxiety antidepressant meds that rise my anxiety. Once you accept that you can't leave all of your emotional distress to your body and get all the possible help, the situation gets better.