Memory after therapy

[Johan]

During roughly 2 or 3 years of therapy and prosac which have been stopped, my ex who I have had a discussion with cannot remember alot in the 8months after stopping therapy and prosac. Crying, over reactions, constant messaging when I was away for day. Also over the years in therapy she mentioned to me a story of something happened her when around 5 years of age involving her mother and would be seen as traumatic. She mentioned it two seperate times. She has no recollection of this when discussed it recently, and asked me about it but I was concerned in mentioning this now as Im unsure if you are meant to remember all you discuss in therapy when your 'fixed' or I'm unsure now if it was just a lie.

Anyone have any input on this?

[TippyTwo]

For what it is worth, "memory loss" is a tricky thing for pwBPD.

My ex routinely would "forget" things she said or did. I suspect it is part of the types of defense mechanisms they use - they dissociate from reality. My ex used to walk around in a fog-like state that was very visible. I don't know where her head went at those times but I do know she was not present in the moment.

Some antidepressants can affect memory as well. But it is difficult to differentiate between something that is medication induced vs disordered thinking.

Some of the memory stuff also felt like a manipulation i.e. selective memory or victim mentality.

Hard to know. Best thing I ever did was to stop trying to figure it out.

[Johan]

Hi, thanks for your response.

Going by replies on this forum I have came to the conclusion to not try figure stuff out but sometimes its hard when you also want to back yourself up after been painted black... .

I do feel like its a defense mechanism/manipulation. As she is young and I am slightly older I have worried as this has been all new for me, in coming to terms with the disorder.

I have most definitely been painted black, but it was myself who knows much about her, also the therapist he knows, and her parents but I know most as I was there before, and they do not know the reactions and etc I have witnessed since off therapy and meds.

I worry as I see how its all gone downhill since therapy and meds stopped. But because its all stopped she tells me I'm bipolar and paints me black, family thinks she's now ok now because therapy and meds stopped, friends think I obsessive and a controlling other half which is complete opposite of the truth.

I try to make it not my problem, but I'm unsure if I should care still, forget it, or what. I'm also thinking to myself if she is ok, why should I not stand up for myself and tell truth, clear it all up to people, but then I'm afraid of even more accusations or worse.

Its hard as we now reside in the same vicinity and I'm tired of hearing lies about myself. I do now want and cannot be in a relationship with her again,too much has been lied about me, but I still worry she's on path of self destruction but I don't want tell parents facts of our relationship they don't know bout as to why I'm worried, personal info. Even though I meet them regularly in the area in passing.

I have done alot for her over the years, I looked the bad one since the split, but I finally started caring about myself but many people have such bad opinion about me over the lies she made up. And I unsure if shes going to break soon as shes in denial, or just move on and forget, If shes that sure of herself why cant i just tell the truth, and say F**k it if she feels bad, im just paro she play victim more, and do something stupid.

I'll look the bad person then but no one will know full extent what I went through.

Should they always have a free pass, if she claims be 100% ok and there is proof of her painting me black, should I just say it with proof I have to people we both know, should i feel bad and not do it and still get lied about, i tried months show her the complete denial she was in, but thats why im asking about memory because im not sure if your meant to remember therapy, i was paranoid therapy makes you forget past traumas, so afraid of destroyin her recovery. also the months after therapy im not sure her cryin n reactions were real now or what. The things she also does not remember. How does tis end up if i say it, can it come back to her... . ?

Should they have free pass? I hurt more than ever, but will it ever be understood. She does not cut or self harm... . but I am too good natured I would never forgive myself in risking hanging her out to dry, but its ok for her lie about myself. How do i back myself out when i fear the worst?