Advice at the beginning of an unwanted journey

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Future uBPD DIL has already alienated uBPD son and now claims she is pregnant after the wedding was postponed. Mostly I'm concerned about the pain to the family from the games that will be played with the grandchild if there is indeed a grandchild. We are at limited contact. But here at the beginning of this unwanted journey... . well what do you wish someone had told you?  I'll listen I promise.

[hoping4hope]

Future uBPD DIL has already alienated uBPD son and now claims she is pregnant after the wedding was postponed. Mostly I'm concerned about the pain to the family from the games that will be played with the grandchild if there is indeed a grandchild. We are at limited contact. But here at the beginning of this unwanted journey... . well what do you wish someone had told you?  I'll listen I promise.

[GeekyGirl]

That's a tough situation for sure. Assuming she is really pregnant, remember that this baby doesn't get to choose his/her parents and can't be responsible for what his mother has done to all of you. He/she will need loving adults, and your DS should be prepared to do whatever he needs to do to protect his parental rights and his child. He'll need your support through this.

What kind of relationship would you want with this child? How do you think this changes things between you and your future DIL?

[ScarletOlive]

Hi hoping4hope,

Yeah, that's a very tough spot to be in. I'm sorry you're caught on this unwanted journey. It's good that you're moving towards acceptance of where you're at. If a grandbaby comes, keep in mind that you as grandma can be a positive influence in that child's life. Many kids who grow up in unstable homes find their stability from outside sources, and grandparents can provide that mirror of security.

GeekyGirl asks some good questions. Once you know what kind of relationship you want with a potential grandchild, you can start figuring out how you want to proceed. Also, is your son still with DIL as a couple?

[hoping4hope]

Yes Geekygirl does ask good questions.

At the moment, I'm not visualizing an actual baby, veracity is not one of future DIL's strong points.  I'm actually a step mom and a fairly recent one at that.

I believe there is a good chance that this baby will probably need to be in foster care at some point and my husband and I are pretty much the only choice within our family.  There aren't too many other options. The baby would be loved ... . no family gets left behind... . It will also have genetic mental illness from both parents... .   I worry about the baby's future.

Stepson and DIL are together and limited contact with us, very limited income and very few permanent employment prospects; they will be back when they need something.  Their story makes me sad and honestly angry, that my future will involve picking of the mess they make.