BPD and Trouble Finding/Maintaining Employment

[Depression = 72% of members]

I’ve bounced between the staying and undecided board a lot in recent months, but felt this topic might garner more constructive responses here.  Any input on this subject would be greatly appreciated.

I am curious to hear others’ anecdotes regarding their BPD significant others and the SO’s successes/failures in regards to establishing and maintaining professional careers.  From personal experience, my BPD wife is significantly more content and cycles less frequently when she is employed.  However, it seems that her illness often causes her to sabotage her prospects in the long run.  In some cases, the emotional instability (triggered by “jerk” co-workers) she displays in front of co-workers or employers has limited her chance for upward mobility, or cost her a positive recommendation down the road.  In other cases, she has convinced herself that it was a toxic work environment and simply used that as justification for leaving what appeared from the outside to be a good job (well paying, match for her skill set, etc.).

At present, my wife works part time for me.  This was in essence a gift from my employer, who (though he does not know her well enough to know her problems) understands that keeping her employed and happy is the best way he can keep me working  for him.  It is far from a perfect situation (and blows up in my face from time to time), but at least it keeps her in the work force as we try to locate something else for her. 

Beyond family issues (ie. the faults she finds with my family and the disputes this causes between us), her work situation is one of the most trying issues we face on a daily basis.  She struggles and becomes frustrated at her lack of prospects 5 years removed from graduate school, while I struggle to understand how it is she can find a way to justify her exit from all the positions she has found along the way.  I’m running short on ideas to motivate her and have even proposed to her mother that we should try and set up a business of her own (though I fear it would be a lost investment).  In the end, as always, I just find myself frustrated and am hoping that hearing from those of you in similar situations might help ease my mind if only for a day.

Thanks.

LH

[ADecadeLost]

I’ve bounced between the staying and undecided board a lot in recent months, but felt this topic might garner more constructive responses here.  Any input on this subject would be greatly appreciated.

I am curious to hear others’ anecdotes regarding their BPD significant others and the SO’s successes/failures in regards to establishing and maintaining professional careers.  From personal experience, my BPD wife is significantly more content and cycles less frequently when she is employed.  However, it seems that her illness often causes her to sabotage her prospects in the long run.  In some cases, the emotional instability (triggered by “jerk” co-workers) she displays in front of co-workers or employers has limited her chance for upward mobility, or cost her a positive recommendation down the road.  In other cases, she has convinced herself that it was a toxic work environment and simply used that as justification for leaving what appeared from the outside to be a good job (well paying, match for her skill set, etc.).

At present, my wife works part time for me.  This was in essence a gift from my employer, who (though he does not know her well enough to know her problems) understands that keeping her employed and happy is the best way he can keep me working  for him.  It is far from a perfect situation (and blows up in my face from time to time), but at least it keeps her in the work force as we try to locate something else for her. 

Beyond family issues (ie. the faults she finds with my family and the disputes this causes between us), her work situation is one of the most trying issues we face on a daily basis.  She struggles and becomes frustrated at her lack of prospects 5 years removed from graduate school, while I struggle to understand how it is she can find a way to justify her exit from all the positions she has found along the way.  I’m running short on ideas to motivate her and have even proposed to her mother that we should try and set up a business of her own (though I fear it would be a lost investment).  In the end, as always, I just find myself frustrated and am hoping that hearing from those of you in similar situations might help ease my mind if only for a day.

Thanks.

LH

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.