Do you see a lot of social anxiety in your kids?

[BioAdoptMom3]

I am just curious if this is more of a BPD issue, or possibly just a personality trait in our own child?  We just returned from her softball end of season party.  She did very little mingling and hung mostly with one girl with whom she has bonded quite a bit.  They label each other as friends.  However when that girl went in the pool and DD didn't want to, she was either sitting alone or hanging around her dad and I, and the other adults in the house (she will be 14 on Tuesday).  She is on Prozac and Abilify, mostly for treatment of anxiety and panic disorder which her doctor feels is a bit worse than her depression diagnosis.  Have you all had this same issue either at the present time, when your child was younger or from an early age into the adult years? 

Thanks!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[pessim-optimist]

I would say that my sd32 is very shy, self-conscious and NOT self-confident. I am told that that's how she was when growing up, too.

However, at times we see her transform into this gregarious, socially open individual. But I can tell that it is a show she puts on that is sometimes enjoyable to her and sometimes a burden. She is very, very pretty and spends lots of time in the bathroom fixing her hair and make up. At the same time, it is often obvious she does not FEEL pretty (another topic altogether).

Another point would be, she tends to think that everyone focuses on her, often in negative ways. An example - she will often say that someone was giving her a weird look, and she will come up with a reason why that person did not like her (in traffic or in a restaurant or mall).

Those traits do, in my opinion contribute to social anxiety. And it makes sense. She has a hard time navigating relationships, so why would social interactions not raise her anxiety... .

[jellibeans]

My dd has a lot of anxiety... . when she was little she would hide bday invites from me so she would not have to go. She doesn't like going anywhere alone... . she must have someone with her. She is very pretty and spends a lot of time on herself getting ready to go out etc... . if we are going somewhere new she tends to stress a bit beofre we go... . she usually acts up and picks a fight to try to get out to social outings etc... . I really feel that is why her behavior is not always good at times... . it is a distraction... . I feel she has purposely acted bad so she would be grounded or prevented from going out somewhere... . it is sometimes very obvious she had some anxiety about going.

[griz]

My DD18 has had a lot of social anxiety.  She too would usually latch on to one friend and not mingle much with others.  Always had to know where I was and I remember when she was young she would not go to a birthday party unless I stayed.  Even now she is quite shy at social gatherings unless she really knows the people.  She is very self conscious about herself. 

Griz

[js friend]

yes dd18 finds it hard to mix.She has always preferred the 1 to 1 friendships. I remember when dd was about 12yo her teacher  saying that dd would always work well with one other student but always seemed lost when doing group work. she has started college twice and left twice both times teachers have said that she has just seemed to withdraw from others and  begin to come and go on her own.

Even amongst family dd seems uncomfortable and will rarely start a conversation. Even when talking with me eye contact is very limited.

Sometimes she has even left the room to be by herself if there has been a group of us talking.