Any thoughts on mums role...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Ok, so he has had his problem for many many years, all failed relationships etc... .

When we were together and the signs of the real extent of his problem reared his mum was supportive of me, would message saying you poor thing im always here for you. When he decided to get help she congratulated me saying no one else had broken through to him enough for him to get help (yes he went but dont believe he was actively taking part and hasnt been for 2 months and now stopped meds)

Anyway,last night while couldnt sleep i was thinking of their relationship, he said during therapy he had learnt she was a big part to blame for his problem, he had learnt alot and would be limiting his contact with her to sort himself. However during the time ive known them she has only had to click her fingers and he would go running, even since this came out in therapy he still would go running to her. I know she doesnt have BPD but can see traits of something there, the manipulation, several guys on the go at once so she isnt alone, spending money like running water when shes in debt etc... But im now thinking back to the way they reacted with each other and sure i can see they were validating each other. My question is she must of learnt this and he must of learnt this just naturally to keep the peace as such. If i had known he had this problem from the start, knew how to use the tools could i of kept a relationship with him as him mum seems to of?

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Ok, so he has had his problem for many many years, all failed relationships etc... .

When we were together and the signs of the real extent of his problem reared his mum was supportive of me, would message saying you poor thing im always here for you. When he decided to get help she congratulated me saying no one else had broken through to him enough for him to get help (yes he went but dont believe he was actively taking part and hasnt been for 2 months and now stopped meds)

Anyway,last night while couldnt sleep i was thinking of their relationship, he said during therapy he had learnt she was a big part to blame for his problem, he had learnt alot and would be limiting his contact with her to sort himself. However during the time ive known them she has only had to click her fingers and he would go running, even since this came out in therapy he still would go running to her. I know she doesnt have BPD but can see traits of something there, the manipulation, several guys on the go at once so she isnt alone, spending money like running water when shes in debt etc... But im now thinking back to the way they reacted with each other and sure i can see they were validating each other. My question is she must of learnt this and he must of learnt this just naturally to keep the peace as such. If i had known he had this problem from the start, knew how to use the tools could i of kept a relationship with him as him mum seems to of?