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[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I had a moment of weakness. She resonded to my message about the 4am phone call, but she is still yet to respond to my drinks offer.

I think i need to accept that fact that she has moved on, we can't reconcile & i really need to sort myself out and move on from all this.

I don't miss the rages, demands and put downs. But, i do miss her caring, funny side.

Suppose time will be the biggest healer.

[Eric1]

I had a moment of weakness. She resonded to my message about the 4am phone call, but she is still yet to respond to my drinks offer.

I think i need to accept that fact that she has moved on, we can't reconcile & i really need to sort myself out and move on from all this.

I don't miss the rages, demands and put downs. But, i do miss her caring, funny side.

Suppose time will be the biggest healer.

[Reg]

Eric1,

Good to hear that ! Time is a healer indeed, but so is knowledge.  Knowledge isn't power, knowledge about borderline and ourselves is the healer !

Looking back, I loved the 'caring' and 'funny' side as well, and I will have good memories about these moments forever.  Real or not real, it felt real and it shows that even though things were toxic, it isn't even in that case all black and white... .   Not that I want to step back into this situation, not at all in my case.

Actually a BPD never moves on as we do, they get stuck in their behavior.  With you, with someone else, they recycle, cheat, find new people who will 'save' them from theirselves (at least that's what they think) and are never happy, never are going to be BTW.  We can be happy.  We just have to want it ourselves.

The difference between them and us is that we can really move on ! We just need to motivate ourselves in doing this by embracing life and understanding and accepting even that we get new chances !

[Eric1]

No contact is the only way. I thought I was healing, but now she hasn't responded, its got me thinking about her again non stop. Asking myself why she hasn't replied, who is she with etc etc

It's a horrible feeling & it's mentally draining.