Found an old journal

[Trick1004]

Last night I dug an old laptop out of my closet looking for some old college projects. On it I found a word doc I started writing in during the first six months from when I met my ex a little over four years ago.

I had vaguely remembered writing it, but figured it had wound up somewhere in digital limbo, never to be seen again .

Finding it on my old laptop and reading through it was quite a revelation for me and I think it has helped me to close the door on my ex.

I was caught completely off guard by how wary I was about her for the longest time. There were so many red flags about her that I wanted to and was going to walk away from but I kept giving ground. In almost all the entries I talk about how I couldn't deal with her behavior and just needed to walk away. I even expected at some point I would get hurt but would deal with it (guess I finally am now).

I guess it helps me reading through what myself thought 4 years ago at the beginning of the r/s. I never did plan on it going anywhere but because of my personal situation I allowed her to slowly erode my boundaries and self-respect over the past four years until I'm at where I am now.

Well that was me that wrote that journal four years ago and I wanted to walk away from it then but didn't. I feel a little stupid for letting it go on for four years but I know better now and just want to walk away.

Finding that word doc has really helped me turn a corner.

Trick

[papawapa]

I had something similar happen this week. I was digging through some boxes and found a couple of letters I had written to my ex. They were written about two years apart. The first paragraphs were eerily similar. Both of them were written because the things I needed to say could not be spoken to her without setting her off. My complaints were still the same after all the time that had passed. I couldn't express my needs to her without her getting angry. Her drinking and inability to manage money were stressing me out. She was always telling me it was over between us every time she got upset. The letters were like three to five years old and the same problems still persisted all the way to the end of our relationship this spring. After reading them it became clear to me that things will never change for her.