Are any of you truly happy with your relationships at present?

[Blazing Star]

For me detachment works by taking care of my self. I do a lot of things to fill my happy cup, even just little things like enjoy a cup of tea in the sun when the kids are napping.

I also visualize his words floating over my head so I don't take them on board and start carrying them on my shoulders, or in my heart. Sometimes I pretend the little comments are something nice he has said and I just ignore what he is actually saying. If it feels hurtful I imagine a shield in front of me, or an angel. I remind myself that he is ill, he doesn't mean it, I don't have to hang round to listen to it.

And mainly I try to spend more time, energy and headspace thinking about Myself and My happiness rather than him and his.

I know it is hard when you have little ones and are not financially independent at all. I can't imagine how it must be with a mistress in the mix. I think Waverider has some good points about figuring out what your boundaries and values are around this. For me I would need this clear, I have had successfully open relationships before, and it was very clear what the boundaries were. In my current relationship it is not open and so getting involved with another would be a big boundary violation and would not be acceptable to me.

What are your thoughts around your values and boundaries?

Love Blazing Star

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Auspicious]

You may want to get some legal advice on what your options are. You're a woman, so there is free legal advice out there available for you.

It doesn't have to mean you are ending it - it just means you learn what your options are.

It's likely that you have some misconceptions, that leave you feeling scared and trapped.

For one thing, if you end up parenting three kids without him, he'll be paying you to do so ... . the courts are marvelously uninterested in how cool or right he thinks he is.

[MaybeSo]

Exactly. He would be paying child support if not alimony, too. You have options. They aren't easy options, but they are available.