A visual of waves and sand

[Depression = 72% of members]

Ever watch waves at a beach when they roll onto the sand and almost like an eraser... . wipe clean any footprints, ripples left, and what not. Perhaps this is what their thought process must be like when the devaluation phase starts. Anything good that you did for them, any good feelings you showed them, anything good they felt for you, etc... . just like those waves... . wipes it all clean.

Then when you ask your exSO, do you not remember these feelings you were just having as of recently?... . The mental image of that wiped clean stretch of sand must be what they see. Thus, they tell you no. The footprints, ripples, etc(your love, their love)... . is not visible in that image. Us nons remember the image prior to it being wiped clean.

No matter how many footprints and other markings were present, the wave wipes it all clean.

Again and again.

How sad and frustrating and absolutely maddening.

[Ironmanrises]

Ever watch waves at a beach when they roll onto the sand and almost like an eraser... . wipe clean any footprints, ripples left, and what not. Perhaps this is what their thought process must be like when the devaluation phase starts. Anything good that you did for them, any good feelings you showed them, anything good they felt for you, etc... . just like those waves... . wipes it all clean.

Then when you ask your exSO, do you not remember these feelings you were just having as of recently?... . The mental image of that wiped clean stretch of sand must be what they see. Thus, they tell you no. The footprints, ripples, etc(your love, their love)... . is not visible in that image. Us nons remember the image prior to it being wiped clean.

No matter how many footprints and other markings were present, the wave wipes it all clean.

Again and again.

How sad and frustrating and absolutely maddening.

[Hazelrah]

Good analogy and observation--my W's seeming amnesia regarding all the things I did for her, the wonderful things she felt/expressed, and the wonderful things we shared is one of the things I have had the hardest time dealing with.  Her fixation on everything that ever went wrong, seemingly devaluing everything that ever happened with us, leaves me incredibly sad.  And the fact she is making such a point of professing her newfound joy makes it all exponentially worse.

[Ironmanrises]

Hazel,

It is incredibly hard to deal with. Its almost like you want to project that mental image that you know is real because you know you experienced it into their mind to correct the skewed/distorted/missing mental image that they are/are not seeing.

I told my exUBPDgf, ":)o you not hear what you are saying to me?"

Her silence in return... . Left me feeling defeated. Sad. Powerless. Helpless.

I wanted to scream. I tried explaining this to my closest friends.

They couldnt see the link.

I felt further alone. Unheard. My words are not registering. At all. Help me. Please.

I can relate to your sadness. Far too much.