Hello Happy family!
I am posting after a gap of 2 months. Have been doing well in my recovery, surrounding myself with friends and family, travelling, talking to my T regularly. I am CC with my exBPDbf. In last few months, I have a clear logical reasons for why r/s was unhealthy for me.
-I went through old emails and saw how we had stopped communicating. Conversations jumped everywhere.
-Being with my parents, helped me realize issues about myself. My dad's ways of motivating his kids is to point out mistakes. He constantly comments on how it would have been better if x could be done in y way. I realized I was constantly looking for mistakes, mine and others, unconsciously. There was no room be myself.
- All my mom wants is to care for her family and in doing so, she doesn't realize that she should care for herself or that there is a healthy boundary. I followed the same with my exBPDbf
As a step to forgive myself, I apologised to him for my mistakes (It was tough), especially after I had promised him that I would not bring emotional talks. This lead him to rage more on me. Because now it's over between us and he feels helpless.
- Sometimes my emotional side starts to take over. I keep finding new ways of support and distraction especially when I low. As they say where there is will, there is a way.
- I have prepared a list of red flags that I ignored earlier and go back to it whenever I start thinking about him.
- Articles and posts on the forum have been extremly helpful. Can't thank enough to my happy family here
I have my moments, phases too. I think about often and miss him a lot. 2 months back I couldn't believe I could survive and I am still here. Still waiting for day when I would be completely free from him.
