Health issues resulting from BPD relationship?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am curious to know what kinds of health issues or ailments some of you may have experienced as a result of the stress associated with your relationship with a SOBPD.

As for me, I eat very little during such times and would develop terrible headaches (I have this happening right now, actually, after 1 month of NC). I begin to feel a numbness, as if nothing much matters. I would sleep the hours away to get away from my mind.

I get upset with myself for not being able to just let it go. I want to. I am sick of feeling this way and having my health going through this roller coaster over someone who, honestly, isn't worth it. I know in my heart that my SOBPD was a master magician, offering a carefully crafted mask. Why should I lose any more sleep, suffer any more headaches, or spend another hour not eating over someone I never actually knew? Or, better, someone I did know, in that I saw their demon (BPD) clear as day, beyond the mask.

[numb_buddha]

I am curious to know what kinds of health issues or ailments some of you may have experienced as a result of the stress associated with your relationship with a SOBPD.

As for me, I eat very little during such times and would develop terrible headaches (I have this happening right now, actually, after 1 month of NC). I begin to feel a numbness, as if nothing much matters. I would sleep the hours away to get away from my mind.

I get upset with myself for not being able to just let it go. I want to. I am sick of feeling this way and having my health going through this roller coaster over someone who, honestly, isn't worth it. I know in my heart that my SOBPD was a master magician, offering a carefully crafted mask. Why should I lose any more sleep, suffer any more headaches, or spend another hour not eating over someone I never actually knew? Or, better, someone I did know, in that I saw their demon (BPD) clear as day, beyond the mask.

[SeekerofTruth]

PTSD, Depression would be the uber ailments.

Many more subtle psycholgocial, financ,ial, career, self-esteem, confidence damages

[newlyhopeful]

Hypertension,and then  pre eclampsia in pregnancy followed by difficult to contol hypertension,. Its been about/16months since the final split and Im finally starting to feel like my stress level is under my control

[AliveButBeatup]

Me --- I am a diabetic. Blood sugar levels impacted by the stress due to not eating properly and lack of desire to exercise.  It probably has shaved time off of my life.  My business life suffers and in turn finances suffer.  My "mojo" is squashed.  I am confident I will pull out of it. It will take a little time.

The last 4 years of my life have been a personal growing experience. No doubt about that.  I am now separated. When that day comes of meeting an emotionally healthy person, I will be numb for days on end as I won't know what hit me.

ABB

[Aussie0zborn]

High blood pressure. But she had so many ailments - all my fault ofcourse. Talk about projecting!

She had a medical test and found she would need an operation. She said to me,

"why ME and not YOU? I only eat healthy foods and you eat McDonalds three times a day. Why is it me that needs an operation and not YOU?"

Can you believe this sh!t?

Since she said that I have never ate McDonalds again - just to spite her.  Probably why I got high blood pressure in the first place but I'm sure the stress didn't help.

[nevaeh]

Depression is main one for me.  I know I have some form of PTSD as well as anxiety when I think H might trigger over something.  I am very jumpy.  I am displaying major signs of adult ADD as I have a hard time focusing on anything.  I don't know if this is because I have been trying to get the courage to leave my H in particular for the past several months and my thoughts have focused mainly around that, or if it is from my anti-depressant.  I also have developed what I believe will be some serious issues surrounding any future sexual intimacy that I might have if I ever have the courage to try another relationship (I am still in this one and have yet to get the guts to leave).  I experience anxiety when H touches me and when I know he "wants" sex I also experience high anxiety.  For H, sex is his self-soothing behavior so I find that I give in to sexual advances when I know H is borderline dysregulated to try and prevent him from losing it.  I have learned over the years that when he is dysregulated, if I avoid or reject sex then he becomes extremely agitated with everything.  It is an extremely unhealthy relationship for me in particular and I know I need to find a way out.

I told my dr at my annual exam that I would like to get off of my antidepressants but she said if I am contemplating leaving H that I should wait until that is somewhat settled before I make any major changes with my medication. 

I have seen no less than 7 therapists in the past 18 years.  I didn't go on antidepressants until 8 years ago after H returned from deployment to Iraq and I found out he had heavy-duty affair while he was there.  When he was deployed I had D8, S4, and S4 months as well as working in a high-level management position.  I think I was already dealing with postpartum depression then that got worse while he was gone with everything I was dealing with, then it all came to a head when I found out about the affair.  It is worth noting that when I started taking lexapro my H was really angry and didn't think I "needed" any drugs.  We had a huge fight about that and I basically told him that he was not going to have that kind of control over me.

H sought out counseling 3 years ago when I told him I wanted to leave him.  He went a total of 3 or 4 times and told me that he could "figure it out" on his own and that he didn't think he had BPD, although he did admit that he had several of the characteristics from the Walking on Eggshells book I shared with him. I have BEGGED H to try to take some medication to help stabilize his moods over the past several years... .almost since the beginning of our marriage but he flat out refuses and uses his part-time military job as the excuse stating that they would release him if he was on "drugs".  I don't believe that for one minute but I gave up trying to get him to see my point long ago. 

I have gained about 20 pounds in the past 2 years.  I blame myself for that, but eating has become (unfortunately) my way of dealing with the stress that I feel every day.  I think that subconsciously I "want" to be fat because it might make me less appealing to H, and I also think it really just projects how I feel about myself in this relationship. 

While all of this is going on for me, I will share that my observations regarding the health impact to my uBPDh from his disorder are that he is easily stressed out and when dysregulated he faces extreme anxiety but does not have the coping mechanism to deal with either so he lashes out.  After he lashes out or has one of his rages, he goes silent for days.  I don't know what is going on in his mind during that time... .if he is regretful or sad that he lost his temper "again", angry because he was wronged, or more likely, some combination of all of these.  When he is done with his silent treatment he acts as though nothing happened, starts joking around like he is the greatest husband/dad of all time, and he becomes very sexually needy which is when I find I have to give in to his advances. 

Probably the most "unfair" thing about H's disorder is that when he is not dysregulated, he is stress/anxiety-free, laid back, happy, helpful, and "content".  On the other hand, when H is not dysregulated I continue to feel stress, high anxiety, PTSD symptoms, and lots of resentment from the fact that he is "normal" after having been such a horrible person to me and/or the kids.

Yet, I still have horrible feelings about leaving him because I know it will destroy him.  THIS IS SO MESSED UP!

[Ironmanrises]

While still in relationship in devaluation... .

Increase in anxiety... .

Hypertension... .

Hands trembling... .

Loss of appetite... .

Depression... .

Stress... .

After she left... .

Anxiety, hypertension, hands trembling, loss of appetite... .

Have decreased a lot.

Depression... .

Stress... .

Still remains.

They come in waves... .

Some days... .

It feels like the waves... .

Will pull me under... .

You feel the water at your chin... .

Other days... .

It is at your ankles... .

But always in the horizon... .

The unknown waves... .

Of the above... .

Linger... .

And you brace yourself... .

For that next wave.

[ts919]

Oh man - this is a great thread.

For myself... .wow.  I've always been a really healthy person, the type of guy who gets a cold once per year and that's about it!  At 30 years old, when I got married to uBPDw (if I may toot my own horn ) I was in fantastic shape; I worked out regularly, had a very low body fat percentage, tons of energy, and I've always been a very happy go lucky type of dude.

Fast forward two years... .

While still working out and eating the exact same way I always have (low cal/low fat) I have gained weight, my body is always in pain (lots of stiff neck issues), very high level of anxiety, lots of symptoms of PTSD, depression, constant headaches, mood swings, been sick more in the past two years than I ever have before in my life... .

I also, like Javamom, show a lot of signs of adult ADD - I can hardly concentrate on anything anymore.  Oh, and even the tiniest decision throws me into a panic - I can't decide on anything anymore!

[nolisan]

The obvious manifestation of the r/s unhealthiness for me was weight loss - 25 lbs in a year! I wasn't eating because of the stress! At the time I thought it was all the sex . But when the sex stopped in the last 3 months I still was loosing weight.

I'm diabetic - while I wasn't eating well my need for insulin dropped (I thought that was a good sign). In the this last year of recovery I have struggled to get my insulin adjusted.

I also had and still have many of the mental health issues others have mentioned - still healing but so much better.

[Sluggo]

I find myself unfocused at work, difficult to put complete thoughts together. it is especially happens when my dBPDw is blowing up my cell with texts or voicemails.  I get headaches but think that is with the lack of sleep if there are the weeks when w is arguing. 

[Bananas]

I am diagnosed by my T with symptoms of PTSD. 

www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/symptoms_of_ptsd.asp

The worst one for me right now is hyperarousal, I have a hard time sleeping or concentrating.  I am also experiencing negative changes in my beliefs and feelings (thinking I can't trust anyone). And my metabolism is through the roof.  I have lost a ton of weight which for me is not good. 

I am very lucky to have a T that specializes in PTSD and Personality Disorders.  He has a machine that tests my stress levels through the temperture in my hands.  (Cold hands are a symptom of stress).  My hands are getting warmer each session.