Have your dreams changed?

[Depression = 72% of members]

For months after the relationship ended I'd have dreams where my BPD ex was with someone else, happy, and completely ignoring and even hostile to me; same theme over and over but all different situations.  Then for a few months I don't remember dreaming at all.  And now, maybe for the last month, I've been dreaming again, about lots of unrelated things, but I had a dream last night where she made an appearance, smiling and happy, and we were friends, at least in dreamland things were going well.  I'm choosing to believe this is the next stage of my detachment, since when I'm awake I don't think about her much anymore, but I woke up after that dream and started missing her, of course the gal in the dream wasn't raging and belittling, maybe that's tonight's dream, or maybe that's my head doing it's fantasy thing again.

Don't know, different, interesting.  Thoughts?  Has that happened for anyone?

[fromheeltoheal]

For months after the relationship ended I'd have dreams where my BPD ex was with someone else, happy, and completely ignoring and even hostile to me; same theme over and over but all different situations.  Then for a few months I don't remember dreaming at all.  And now, maybe for the last month, I've been dreaming again, about lots of unrelated things, but I had a dream last night where she made an appearance, smiling and happy, and we were friends, at least in dreamland things were going well.  I'm choosing to believe this is the next stage of my detachment, since when I'm awake I don't think about her much anymore, but I woke up after that dream and started missing her, of course the gal in the dream wasn't raging and belittling, maybe that's tonight's dream, or maybe that's my head doing it's fantasy thing again.

Don't know, different, interesting.  Thoughts?  Has that happened for anyone?

[bauers220]

When I have left in the past I will dream of her - usually talking - sometimes arguing even.  Then I will dream of making up with her... .that usually proceeds her contact by 2-3 days at most ... .

[Waifed]

For months after the relationship ended I'd have dreams where my BPD ex was with someone else, happy, and completely ignoring and even hostile to me; same theme over and over but all different situations.  Then for a few months I don't remember dreaming at all.  And now, maybe for the last month, I've been dreaming again, about lots of unrelated things, but I had a dream last night where she made an appearance, smiling and happy, and we were friends, at least in dreamland things were going well.  I'm choosing to believe this is the next stage of my detachment, since when I'm awake I don't think about her much anymore, but I woke up after that dream and started missing her, of course the gal in the dream wasn't raging and belittling, maybe that's tonight's dream, or maybe that's my head doing it's fantasy thing again.

Don't know, different, interesting.  Thoughts?  Has that happened for anyone?

I had a dream last night that she slept with my 67 year old uncle because he gave her some fish ( she is 29). I concluded that subconsciously I think she is a slutty piece of trash who will sleep with anyone that shows her attention.

What's funny is that is also think about her consciously.

[fromheeltoheal]

I had a dream last night that she slept with my 67 year old uncle because he gave her some fish ( she is 29).

Holy mackerel!  Did she lure him, or did he just take the bait?

[Waifed]

I had a dream last night that she slept with my 67 year old uncle because he gave her some fish ( she is 29).

Holy mackerel!  Did she lure him, or did he just take the bait?

lmao. Not sure. I think what triggered it was me recalling a time that she was supposed to take some fish I had caught to her parents. She "forgot" it when she left my house thinking it would make me mad... .she was starting a fight... .  Anyway I thought about this right before going to bed when I saw the fish in my freezer.

[Ironmanrises]

Since the private call... .

On my cell... .

Accompanied 2 days later... .

By the unknown number... .

With strange silent voicemail... .

That occurred last week... .

My nightmares... .

Have returned.

I woke up... .

The other day... .

Screaming... .

And even flung my pillow... .

Literally threw it... .

Across my room... .

And what I thought... .

Was something watching me.

That is how bad... .

That was.

[GreenMango]

I had a dream last night that she slept with my 67 year old uncle because he gave her some fish ( she is 29).

Holy mackerel!  Did she lure him, or did he just take the bait?

Oh Waifed/Heel  ... .This cracked me up and totally sidetracked the whole dream topic!  It was like a Laurel and Hardy skit.  Jokers.

[AnotherJohn]

its really crazy how we all go through the same things. After my BPD ex gf left i continually had dreams with her in them. It was really odd, bc i never really dreamed as much until she left... .Hopefully they will subside ... .just try to focus on positive things before bed. I think for me... .I was dreaming of her simply bc i continually thought of her all night before bed and drove myself crazy. As odd as it sounds i started using Lumosity to occupy my thoughts a little. Wishing you the best.

[DragoN]

I had a dream last night that she slept with my 67 year old uncle because he gave her some fish ( she is 29). I concluded that subconsciously I think she is a slutty piece of trash who will sleep with anyone that shows her attention.

What's funny is that is also think about her consciously.

LOL That's a nightmare!


Used to have nightmares several years back, not now. Don't remember my dreams at all, but I have flashbacks now and that is getting to me a bit.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Don't know, different, interesting.  Thoughts?  Has that happened for anyone?

I had a dream last night that she slept with my 67 year old uncle because he gave her some fish ( she is 29). I concluded that subconsciously I think she is a slutty piece of trash who will sleep with anyone that shows her attention.

This made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt!  That is classic.

I was going to post about dreams too. I never ever dreamed about him when we were together. They have started to subside. I do believe that are dreams are how we process things. It is part of healing.

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing that. I think laughter is the best medicine and helps us depersonalize things.

[Waifed]

 

Don't know, different, interesting.  Thoughts?  Has that happened for anyone?

I had a dream last night that she slept with my 67 year old uncle because he gave her some fish ( she is 29). I concluded that subconsciously I think she is a slutty piece of trash who will sleep with anyone that shows her attention.

This made me laugh so hard my stomach hurt!  That is classic.

I was going to post about dreams too. I never ever dreamed about him when we were together. They have started to subside. I do believe that are dreams are how we process things. It is part of healing.

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing that. I think laughter is the best medicine and helps us depersonalize things.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

I used to have really bad flashbacks. Extremely vivid and painful in my first discard. Not so bad anymore.

Do you think we have ptsd? Seriously. Sometimes I wonder.

[fromheeltoheal]

I was diagnosed with PTSD, not surprising really, after physical, psychological and emotional abuse.  I felt like I'd been in a war, shell shocked, but I am proud that I was healthy enough to save myself by bailing.  Live and learn.  We deserve better.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Sorry. Unfortunately I am not surprised. It is like surviving war. Shell shocked is a word that has come to my mind too.

[DragoN]

Do you think we have ptsd? Seriously. Sometimes I wonder.

Probably. I was diagnosed with it, but sort of shoved it off. But, now I catch myself with my mind racing and several other little odd ball bits that trigger. Some people have it really bad to the point of debilitating and affecting their work. Mine is not quite that bad. As my husband is returning soon, I am finding myself getting jumpy again and the physical reactions are all taking host in the body. I tend to internalize. Get forgetful. Simple stupid things, but I know the cause of it. Nerves. Flash backs threw me off though. Haven't had that for a few years.

 Live and learn.  We deserve better.

This be true.

It is like surviving war. Shell shocked is a word that has come to my mind too.

Yep, that "stunned" feeling. Almost Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh and it's surreal.

[qwaszx]

lmao i used to have so many dreams, at first they were her in a happy life with all she ever wanted, which is what i wanted and want for her, she was at peace, i would wake feeling at ease... .the next night would be of her rage, emptiness filling inside her, the light fading from her, really sad dreams of her wasted life, leaving me feeling helpless and alone... .

more resent, would be a couple of her killing me... . whata life...

therapist also told me i might have ptsd...

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Thank you all for sharing. I am really thinking PTSD. I mean I just can't seem to shake this. Although I am starting to feel better. It's not about just missing someone I loved. The mind is a complex thing. You just can't batter, confuse and abuse it without reprecussions. We're not all devoting precious time in untwisting our brains because someone cut us off in traffic. Something really happened. My insurance has been changed so now I am not covered for therapy.

[Ironmanrises]

Thank you all for sharing. I am really thinking PTSD. I mean I just can't seem to shake this. Although I am starting to feel better. It's not about just missing someone I loved. The mind is a complex thing. You just can't batter, confuse and abuse it without reprecussions. We're not all devoting precious time in untwisting our brains because someone cut us off in traffic. Something really happened. My insurance has been changed so now I am not covered for therapy.

In bold.

You need lots of time... .

To repair... .

All of that damage.

Btw... .

I noticed you mentioned... .

On another thread... .

You wish to make... .

A new female ironman suit... .?   

If so... .

The key... .

To its strength... .

Is self love.

It keeps the pieces... .

In place.

Mine lacked that... .

And failed... .

In the process.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Thank you ironman for all your words of wisdom here. I appreciate your well thought out words. They are really helping.

I am still in the venting stage. I think I walked on eggshells and held things in for so long as to not make waves with him that they are all pouring out now.

I liken your ironman suit to a cast to help protect and ensure healing but that will able to be cut off once healed and ready to open up to something better and someone who will not take advantage of kindness. It takes openness and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to have a true intimate relationship. I am working to not lose that. Otherwise he has really stolen something from me. I won't allow that.

[peas]

In the seven months I was with my uBPDbf I dreamt of him once. I was looking for him in a house with a lot of rooms and I couldn't find him. I asked someone in the house if they had seen my boyfriend and they pointed to a room. I went in there and bf was there, but sleeping or facing the other way (ie, not engaging; I never saw his face in the dream). Then I woke up. To this day that is the only time my ex has appeared in my dreams -- that one, brief moment where I didn't even see his face.

Post b/u I have had two dreams where a male acquaintance has fallen for me. In one dream, a past friend who I am not in contact with anymore but I used to be interested in, showed up and pledged his love to me, saying I'm the one for him, and he was very affectionate. It was an intense, loving dream. It felt real. The other dream was last night and in it a good-looking co-worker and I were at someone's house alone and he started kissing me and taking my clothes off.

Both dreams the men were kind, loving and sexual.

[Ironmanrises]

Thank you ironman for all your words of wisdom here. I appreciate your well thought out words. They are really helping.

I am still in the venting stage. I think I walked on eggshells and held things in for so long as to not make waves with him that they are all pouring out now.

I liken your ironman suit to a cast to help protect and ensure healing but that will able to be cut off once healed and ready to open up to something better and someone who will not take advantage of kindness. It takes openness and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to have a true intimate relationship. I am working to not lose that. Otherwise he has really stolen something from me. I won't allow that.

Welcome Iwalk.

The venting is understandable... .

And the walking on eggshells... .

I know that all to well.


In bold.

That is an interesting way to put it.

As in a way for you to heal.

For me... .

The ironman suit... .

Is designed... .

When working properly... .

To allow... .

That love in.

The detection of genuine love... .

Opens the suit... .

And promptly closes... .

At the detection of... .

Indifference... .

Hate... .

And what not.

To protect me.

[fromheeltoheal]

I mean I just can't seem to shake this. Although I am starting to feel better. It's not about just missing someone I loved. The mind is a complex thing. You just can't batter, confuse and abuse it without repercussions. We're not all devoting precious time in untwisting our brains because someone cut us off in traffic. Something really happened.

A borderline needs to attach, must attach, to feel whole, they do not have their own "self", so attaching is mandatory; hard to get our head around initially.  But that kind of motivation drives the boundary busting, the manipulation so you won't leave, the openly sharing but not really sharing (ever notice that?).  The mandatory nature of an attachment to a borderline causes the sufferer to worm their way into a victim's psyche in the most insidious way, like a Trojan horse housing a mental ward; OK, that's a little harsh, but you know what I mean.  And also, the lack of contentment, the continuous focus on the most insignificant things, the hypersensitivity, the inability to relax, all those things I felt while I was with her, she feels for her entire life.  Hard to paint a mean picture on a borderline when a sick one is more real.

Anyway, my point: our psyche was attacked by a parasite that was not beneficial to the host, although it created the illusion that it was.  It does it's damage, then more damage is done as it's torn out.  We were subjected to core trauma, is really my point, by one of the best in the business as far as getting in deep.  That to me is why these relationships are so traumatic and difficult to untangle from and heal, but also, that healing is more beneficial because the harm was deeper.

Got a little metaphor-happy here, and it may not apply to you, but that's my experience with the genesis of PTSD, and the good news is trauma creates lots of motivation as we heal.

[numbr3]

When I first divorced I had numerous dreams of me trying to climb over something.  I never could make it over.  It could be me in a car trying to drive up a street at a 90 degree angle, or climbing a steep hill full of rocks.  Going down many steps and needing to get back up.  Climbing over a huge pile of boxes .  Being in a building and walking in circles trying to get out.  But my favorite was I was trying to take my big trash bin out but I could not find a way to get it out of my yard.

My xH recycled me on and off for 2 years after the divorce. No wonder my brain was telling me I was stuck!  I have been 4yrs NC-don't have any of those dreams anymore.

[GreenMango]

Just wanted to throw this out there because many of you in this thread have more than 50 posts.

The Taking Inventory Board opens up to senior members like yourself at 50 posts.  It's a safe place to work through some of the things that are on your mind.  The site hosts various self inventory tests and the members there are really supportive as you work through these things.

You are welcome to post both on leaving and inventory.  It's not one or the other.  The only thing about the inventory board is it is for self discovery... .it where members shift gears in the healing process and put that well deserved attention back on themselves.

Maybe take a peek?

[Century2012]

I didn't have dreams of him while on the Seroquel. Which I desperately needed for sleep. When I stopped 2 months ago, the dreams flooded in each night. He is there with someone else being very cold to me. I have decided to interpret them as my mind trying to help me find peace. In the sense that now that the acute pain is gone, it does not want me to pine over the good times. I must remember the reality so I don't romantisize (ugh, misspelled) a very disfunctional relationship.