this helped me. hope it helps some of you

[LA4610]

I came across this video last night and it really help shed some light into my relationship with my pwBPD. I made me not take all the hurtful things she did so personally. It kind of changed my view of her from a witch, vindictive, completely selfish person to someone who is just REALLY REALLY sick and has been REALLY REALLY hurt... .from the time they were little. The things these people have done to us are real and they hurt. ALOT. , but this is how they have learned to survive (literally).

guess you have to cut and paste. the link wont come up.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGXdxtZZisE

[LA4610]

nevermind. link works.

hope this helps yall

[KHC_33]

Thank you. It was insightful.

[Juno]

LA4610,

I'm a victim from a BPD relationship. I have had a very long road trying to forgive the woman that I was involved with. I have read a lot on this subject in the past year and have learned a lot in that process. Your link put into words what I have always suspected to be the case. I agree with most of the link. I understand people with this disorder do things to hurt their partners, and they can't help themselves. I know its because they're reacting to a traumatic event from the past. Yet, there are certain lines that must never be crossed. The woman who I was involved with was my high school teacher and she has done things to me that will scar me for life. I know I'm supposed to forgive. But how do you forgive someone who seems to make it her life mission to keep you in her life at any cost and any damage to anyone who comes in her way?

[Iwalk-Heruns]

I have also done a lot of research on BPD/NPD. I hope I do not sound cynical or unsympathetic to their suffering and I realize everyone's situation is different. Although, reading this site you'd think we were all with the same person.

I do believe this letter to be true of how someone with BPD feels however this is written by someone who has recovered and most don't. Most are not self aware. It is part of the disorder.

Please, please, please be very careful. This exact same letter and others like it is why I remained hooked and went back through a major tortuous recycle. Only to have him abrubtly drop me on my head once again.

Feel sorry for them but we cannot change them. They have to do it themselves and unfortunately that is the catch 22 of the situation. They cannot usually be self aware enough to do change.

Please consider your own life as well. It is not only the time that we lose but the more time that goes on subjecting ourselves to this abuse the more real long lasting damage is done to our psyches that is really hard to reverse. As I am finally starting to come out of the FOG and I am seeing it for what it is. I thought I could change him but that is just not the reality and just wishful thinking. I did everything I could at my own expense and he is still the same.

[dharmagems]

I thought that the video showed a more understanding to help us heal ourselves.  It repeats that it is NOT OUR FAULTS AND IT IS NOT PERSONAL.  That can help heal the hurt and pain we've experienced from the extreme idolization and the abusive blame or sudden abandonment. 

I don't think the video is meant to say we must put up with the BPD or stay with them.  In fact it is just showing that having compassion for them and their condition is healing for us. But that doesn't mean we should remain in the relationship with them. 

I still found the video helpful in my own healing after remaining in NC with my xuBPDh.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

I thought that the video showed a more understanding to help us heal ourselves.  It repeats that it is NOT OUR FAULTS AND IT IS NOT PERSONAL.  That can help heal the hurt and pain we've experienced from the extreme idolization and the abusive blame or sudden abandonment. 

I don't think the video is meant to say we must put up with the BPD or stay with them.  In fact it is just showing that having compassion for them and their condition is healing for us. But that doesn't mean we should remain in the relationship with them. 

I still found the video helpful in my own healing after remaining in NC with my xuBPDh.

That's good! That is what it should do so you realize their was nothing you can do.

For me I think originally it kept me feeling sorry for him, he really loved me and I could help him with the right love. I do not feel that way anymore.

[KHC_33]

I have also done a lot of research on BPD/NPD. I hope I do not sound cynical or unsympathetic to their suffering and I realize everyone's situation is different. Although, reading this site you'd think we were all with the same person.

I do believe this letter to be true of how someone with BPD feels however this is written by someone who has recovered and most don't. Most are not self aware. It is part of the disorder.

Please, please, please be very careful. This exact same letter and others like it is why I remained hooked and went back through a major tortuous recycle. Only to have him abrubtly drop me on my head once again.

Feel sorry for them but we cannot change them. They have to do it themselves and unfortunately that is the catch 22 of the situation. They cannot usually be self aware enough to do change.

Please consider your own life as well. It is not only the time that we lose but the more time that goes on subjecting ourselves to this abuse the more real long lasting damage is done to our psyches that is really hard to reverse. As I am finally starting to come out of the FOG and I am seeing it for what it is. I thought I could change him but that is just not the reality and just wishful thinking. I did everything I could at my own expense and he is still the same.

Exactly. You can't change them. That is the key. As long as you are willing tp accept that fact and come to terms that you will be hurt over and over again until they grasp that change... .that is the choice we all must face.