My Story..long but I need to get it out.

[AWest84]

 So me exBPDgf and I have just ended out 1 1/2 year relationship. This is how it began

We met fell in love (Honeymoon)

1 Month later moved into new house together (rejoice)

4 months in caught her planning on seeing another guy whe she said she was going to work... .

She realizes there isnt something right with her... .so she goes and gets diagnoses BPD! Goes to therapy for 2 months and quits says she can do it on her own... .I break up with her she comes back... .

Now We break up... .(she says she is toxic to relationship and doesnt want to hurt me anymore)

last month this is where the fun begins.

2 weeks NC and we start lite conversation I asked her to delete the pics of us on fb she got really mad!

I had analyzed what I was doing wrong in the relationship and was improving myself... .That night I prayed and asked for a sign to stick by her.

Next day I ran into her with my shopping cart literally.

We joked for minute and I left, she messages me that night saying how good i Look (i have lost 17 lbs and been working out) she says I look great and made her want me... .I gave in and went to see her. Best sex we had in months. Next day she messages me your confusing me I love you still but its ruining the progress she has made... .

I simply said ok... .I understand I Have been making progress too and don't want to ruin that.

This must have threw her off because she begged me not to block her from fb and then wouldn't stop messaging me.  We started talking alot even flirting and talking about the relationship... .She invited me over to her place to see her and her 2 boys who I miss terribly. We had a amazing night like just laughing kissing holding each other amazing I left on a high note where we made plans to see each other again. Next night acting really distant she isn't talking to me like normal... .come to find out she has another guy over!

So I said no more until you get your hit straight don't talk to me again. I have come to the conclusion that our great night the other night probably hit to close to home for her and she went to block it out with male company... .not sure if this is the case but its what I believe due to the feeling that true happiness and intimacy is her trigger to go wacko... .

Since then I have been unbearably depressed and sad. But after all this I realize we will never be happy together until she is healthy. So I write this to try and rid some of my sadness for her and the love I have for her. Thanks

[Aw511]

I can very much relate AWEST  my ex used to do the same (during and after the relationship) where we would have a particularly playful, intimate, lovely time together, next day completely cold and distant, if I even heard from him at all. I got used to it, because it became so predictable, but I don't think that made it hurt much less. I think it is the intimacy that would trigger him and he would need a way to shut it down/push it away. He even claimed amnesia recently. "I was so tired I don't even remember if you stayed over." Umm WHAT? 

Do what's best for you. If you still want to hold on to hope, then hold on.  We'll be here. You'll be done when you're ready to be done.

[PrettyPlease]

Since then I have been unbearably depressed and sad. But after all this I realize we will never be happy together until she is healthy. So I write this to try and rid some of my sadness for her and the love I have for her. Thanks

Hi AWEST84,

Your story is truly tragic (BPD is tragic), but you're at about the worst point, IMO. It can get better for both of you -- although more likely just for you; and I agree, that's sad.

Even though some details might be different, I think most of the people on this site can relate well to your sadness. But the site exists, IMO, so that sadness doesn't take over your life, doesn't last too long, and doesn't lead you back into a looping through a BPD romance (with the same person or other pwBPD) over and over.

And to help with that, if you haven't seen it I suggest you look at this list of 10 beliefs that get us stuck in a love-relationship with a pwBPD. These helped me immensely when I first came here; some of them were bang-on for me.

Hang in there. Emotions eventually subside.



PP