said I was done

[CoasterRider]

I said earlier today that I was done with the leaving board. That I was tired of validating my expwBPD and their dysfunction and I was ready to focus on ONLY myself.

Well I decided to reactivate my facebook which has been deactivated since the breakup. Not even 5 minutes after it was active my ex caught wind and promptly un-friended me. It has been 2 months of NC on both sides. I havent contacted him, nor has there been a peep in my direction.

The event dragged up all these feelings I thought I was done with. Damn, the sheer callusness. How can someone who said they can never live with out you, run off with another person meere days after leaving. Then pretend like you absolutely never existed. Does completly erasing the past year in their mind make it easier for them? To ignore their responsiblity? To ignore the consequences of their decisions? To ignore any shame or remorse for treating a decent person like complete scum? Can anything I was blamed for be really that aweful, where I deserve being treated as a complete stranger after all the things he said I meant to him?

I know put through the lense of BPD this all is fairly typical and fits right into how their mind works. However, it doesnt make it hurt less on this end. To think you gave so much to someone so dysregulated and disordered. This is the end result, back to being complete strangers who dont so much as aknowledge the fact they knew each other, non the less all the other things we did, which meant a great deal to atleast me.

I was a strong confident person before I met him. Didnt really NEED anyone in my life to be happy, was pretty chill doing the single thing. Until he caught me by storm and swept me out to sea. Now Ive washed back up on shore, as whatever my purpose was in his life, ceases to exist. He took what he needed, and when it was time to pay some back to the general fund, he took his money and ran. He has found another willing sap to fill that role. It wasnt just a "role" to me. It meant something, it was a purpose, it was the adoration of hope, it was the sucess of a dream, it was the creation of new ones.

I just cant believe it... . It all seemed so fake now... . like a big production to keep a childs attention. Once the curtain is down, no applause none the less a rose thrown on stage to aknowledge the hard work and talent put forth. At the end of the day that is what he is acting like a child. Not an adult, and adult would take their end and own it. Be civil and respect at the very least all the time and effort I extended and committed to.

Absolutely ridiculous, nothing left but completely heart breaking and soul shattering silence.

[sirensong65]

All the world IS a stage to them, unfortunately.  I am in the same boat.  I think back on all that was shared, the things said, the trials I stood by him on, and it means nothing.  He got bored with dependable me and found something shiny and new and off he went with no so much as a I'm sorry.  I got:

"relationships often times don't work out... . deal with it."

And here I sit.  Can't move forward, can't go back... I just sit here and stew in all that WAS.

[CoasterRider]

All the world IS a stage to them, unfortunately.  I am in the same boat.  I think back on all that was shared, the things said, the trials I stood by him on, and it means nothing.  He got bored with dependable me and found something shiny and new and off he went with no so much as a I'm sorry.  I got:

"relationships often times don't work out... . deal with it."

And here I sit.  Can't move forward, can't go back... I just sit here and stew in all that WAS.

Than lets just say F*CK them! We deserve better! We are strong, they arent, we are normal they arent, we are emotionally well balanced, they arent, we live in reality, they dont, we know who we are, they dont, we know what we want and how to get it, they dont.

Im not for a damn minute going to let myself pine over his crap for another single second. Thank Allah, God, Buddha, Jesus, Vishnu whomever else. That I am done! out! excused! removed! replaced! no longer have to deal with that selfish ___ anymore in my life. What I do from now on is for ME! and I take care of my business, I dont rely on others to do for me, like he does. What a pathetic existence.

Keep your head up, get angry it helps! LOL