Trying to leave GF(ex) in my mind, heart, and physical

[solejurnner]

This is one of those tougher days for me. I am about 3 months or so into the breakup with my BPD/NPD traited GF  of 9 years, and Like I said in my story in L1 we still temporarily live together. I am less than 3 weeks into her "deadline" for me to leave "our/her" house of March 14. When I realize how I put myself here and not listened to the voice inside telling me to go, I just cringe. I gambled and lost to the devil and am facing the wrath. Though I am optimistic in a future tense I find myself troubled and mired in the current details to move forward out of this hole.

I have no idea on exit plan options available to me at this juncture and time frame. I have little money at the moment with no Family,and a few friends that can help. I'm trying to build myself up to looking into a men's shelter but it frankly scares the hell out of me, I never even thought that would ever be my reality. I woke up to her laughing on the phone with her family speaking joyously about social possibilities in the near future that they all can have in this house. It just hurts so bad and it feels cold, I understand life has to go on :'( . I also know they will never know the whole truth, just the twisted pieces she has always broke off to fit her narratives. I need to learn to be fine with this, but its hard . So I have pretty much stayed away with minimal interaction in the room here, that seems to still agitate her some times. Even positive interaction appear to make her uncomfortable, and almost every time she seems to need to contrast it with something negative. I just want out  now!

[GreenMango]

Hearing those calls and leaving has to beyond hard. 9 years is quite a bit of time.

Is there a particular reason you are leaving? Is the house hers?