Now i've been painted Black, is that it?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My story is re my life long friend oh has undiagnosed BP, all the back ground info is available in my first two posts if you want to take a look

So here we are, almost 2 weeks post argument and she has cut me out and painted me Black - I was told that I was no longer needed in her life and that 'people like me' arent welcome in her world.

These communications took place by text message and although I used logical points to try and get her to see this was all out of hand, she misinterepretted almost everything I said or wouldn't acknowledge my valid points, only continuing with more abuse. I said she should speak to someoneelse who witnessed the original argument/rage and that person would confirm I was not guilty of the things she said - She refused and told me to get on with my life which would be lonely and cold.

So I left it there and have gone NC since.


Right now, she has hurt me so badly that I don't think I can ever forgive her but I was just wondering, once you have been painted Black, is the person suffering with BP ever likely to reflect and see that perhaps they have been unnecessarily cruel tosomeone.

Surely, they cannot just justify it and move on forever without a second thought for the person they loved once?

[GlitterBug]

My story is re my life long friend oh has undiagnosed BP, all the back ground info is available in my first two posts if you want to take a look

So here we are, almost 2 weeks post argument and she has cut me out and painted me Black - I was told that I was no longer needed in her life and that 'people like me' arent welcome in her world.

These communications took place by text message and although I used logical points to try and get her to see this was all out of hand, she misinterepretted almost everything I said or wouldn't acknowledge my valid points, only continuing with more abuse. I said she should speak to someoneelse who witnessed the original argument/rage and that person would confirm I was not guilty of the things she said - She refused and told me to get on with my life which would be lonely and cold.

So I left it there and have gone NC since.


Right now, she has hurt me so badly that I don't think I can ever forgive her but I was just wondering, once you have been painted Black, is the person suffering with BP ever likely to reflect and see that perhaps they have been unnecessarily cruel tosomeone.

Surely, they cannot just justify it and move on forever without a second thought for the person they loved once?

[Waifed]

My story is re my life long friend oh has undiagnosed BP, all the back ground info is available in my first two posts if you want to take a look

So here we are, almost 2 weeks post argument and she has cut me out and painted me Black - I was told that I was no longer needed in her life and that 'people like me' arent welcome in her world.

These communications took place by text message and although I used logical points to try and get her to see this was all out of hand, she misinterepretted almost everything I said or wouldn't acknowledge my valid points, only continuing with more abuse. I said she should speak to someoneelse who witnessed the original argument/rage and that person would confirm I was not guilty of the things she said - She refused and told me to get on with my life which would be lonely and cold.

So I left it there and have gone NC since.


Right now, she has hurt me so badly that I don't think I can ever forgive her but I was just wondering, once you have been painted Black, is the person suffering with BP ever likely to reflect and see that perhaps they have been unnecessarily cruel tosomeone.

Surely, they cannot just justify it and move on forever without a second thought for the person they loved once?

From my experience on here the answer is yes.

They can and often do paint you white again.  They may also move on forever without a second thought.  Unfortunately like many other things with BPD, uncertainty rules.

[LettingGo14]

Right now, she has hurt me so badly that I don't think I can ever forgive her but I was just wondering, once you have been painted Black, is the person suffering with BP ever likely to reflect and see that perhaps they have been unnecessarily cruel tosomeone.

Surely, they cannot just justify it and move on forever without a second thought for the person they loved once?

I am sorry to hear GlitterBug.  Like Waifed, my experience says the answer is "yes."   Once I was painted Black, nothing worked.   The interior experience of my xBPDgf was something I saw flashes of, and it was really dark.

You might find other perspectives on the other boards where people have chosen to live with BPD partners.   I'm in the detaching mode, now.  And, while hard, I'm actually relieved to be done with the drama.

[BorisAcusio]

Right now, she has hurt me so badly that I don't think I can ever forgive her but I was just wondering, once you have been painted Black, is the person suffering with BP ever likely to reflect and see that perhaps they have been unnecessarily cruel tosomeone.

Surely, they cannot just justify it and move on forever without a second thought for the person they loved once?

I am sorry to hear GlitterBug.  Like Waifed, my experience says the answer is "yes."   Once I was painted Black, nothing worked.   The interior experience of my xBPDgf was something I saw flashes of, and it was really dark.

You might find other perspectives on the other boards where people have chosen to live with BPD partners.   I'm in the detaching mode, now.  And, while hard, I'm actually relieved to be done with the drama.

After the final devaliation. You won't ever be painted white again. Shades of grey maybe.

[GlitterBug]

Hi Guys,

Thanks for your replies and insight!

I've found myself in similar scenarios with her before but they have become increasingly worse and never before have I been completely cleared from her life like in this instance.

When she has raged before, I gave gone NC for a fews weeks or up to a month or so but then I find myself contacting her asking if she wants to talk things through - When I see her, she may be initially hostile but soon begins to cry and tells me I didn't deserve to be treated that way and that she was hoping I'd contact her.

This time it seems different though - I truly beleive this is it and it's heart breaking.