My daughter has ruined my friendships

[nutmeg]

I have a FB account, first of all.  I am not on there much but occasionally I go on to see what's new.  I happened to notice that my adult daughter has been adding my friends to her list, and I am sure that she is only doing it to borrow money or ask favors.  I have had to basically cut her out of my life, and I am now worrying what she is telling my friends.  I have one good friend who has assured me that she doesn't believe a word that my daughter says about me, but she is the rare exception. Years ago, when my daughter was a teen, I moved from my home state in the middle of a huge disgrace with her.  She was not the reason for the move, but she definitely altered the way the members of my church looked at me.  There were false accusations of child abuse, but most of my friends saw that it wasn't true. The others... . well, I prefer not to know what they think of me.

When I saw that she had been adding my friends, I quickly blocked her access to my friends list, but the damage was already done.  Sometimes I feel trapped in a never ending hell with her even though she no longer lives with me.  In her world, I am a beast who did her wrong when all I ever did was love her and try to teach her to stand on her own two feet.  She perceives me as having been cold and uncaring, even harsh.  As I write this I have no friends left.  One that lives nearby is dying of cancer.  I had to end another  friendship because the woman exhibited signs of BPD also.  Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve all this?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lever.]

There are a few people who no longer acknowledge me because of things my DD has said.  I find this uncomfortable because I don't normally like to be at odds with people.

I have found the best approach is not to say anything but just hold my head up and get on with my life. The truth does tend to out in the end, although not always.

People will think what they want to think and I say to myself that she can take my reputation but not my character.

Fortunately close friendships have survived and it must be very upsetting if your close friendships are breaking down.

With most people I wouldn't try to justify anything but I may tell closer friends that my DD is unwell and I am sad to loose their friendship. (only if I was very sure I could trust them).

[nutmeg]

Thank you for your reply. although I hadn't seen some of these friends in years, I know that she has gone to them for money; one of them even let her live rent free in an apartment while her mother was in a nursing home! Later this friend told me that my DD was nothing like me, and that she was sorry to have to say it.  I only talk to her on the phone occasionally, but I feel that she is on my side.  Years ago my DD got the whole church community into an uproar by running away from home and hiding at a school friends home.  They were all out looking for her for days.  One of my best friends at the time, came to me and basically "told me off" because she thought that I was being mean to my DD.  Later after my DD turned up, this friend apologized because something had made her realize that my DD had some serious issues.  Nevertheless, our friendship was basically never the same after that. And those are only a couple examples.

I guess the advise that you have given makes a lot of sense; after all, there is nothing that I can do about the things she may or may not be saying to my friends on FB.