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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: separate lawyer for the children …. don't they have rights ?  (Read 472 times)
ogopogodude
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« on: March 05, 2014, 09:25:12 AM »

Maybe I have seen too many movies on tv but I had always wondered why there isn't public lawyers (separate from the parents own lawyers)  that take on the rights of children, especially when they are been abused by a BPD afflicted parent.

If there is anything that would stop the nonsense … is another 3rd party lawyering that would take in all the information pertinent to the abuse of children, … and then let the hounds  out of there pen (to initiate fear into the BPD parent --ahhhh sweet revenge--- then legally attack the problematic parent). That problem parent would soo start to act normal and the violence would diminish and the bad parent would face the music.

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Waddams
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« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2014, 09:41:57 AM »

That's the purpose of a Guardian Ad Litem.

The difference with what you are saying, though, is that in civil court, you're not entitled to a L.  There are no publicly appointed lawyers for anyone in civil court.  Somebody's got to pay for professional services, or the professionals have to donate their services.  Donations are rare.

A judge typically either appoints a GAL for the kids, or one or both parents request a GAL.  My L recommends requesting a GAL before the judge acts on his/her own.  That way you can also say "we request John Smith be appointed a GAL" and if the judge approves, you have a bit more say/control over the choice of GAL.  Sometimes, the GAL has little experience, has biases, etc.  If you suggest someone that you know to be a good choice, and is respected and experienced in your jurisdiction, you're more likely to get a good GAL who will cut through the BS and work the kids. 

After the GAL is appointed, then the parents pay for GAL services.  Sometimes not in equal shares, depending on who has money available.  The judges will order one parent to pay for it all if the other can't pay and not think twice.  They put the kids needs first, and if the kids need a L, they make it happen and expect the parent to suck it up and sacrifice whatever is necessary for their kids.
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ForeverDad
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« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2014, 09:46:03 AM »

Guardian ad Litem - GAL - the children's representative.

Early in my divorce my lawyer said a GAL wasn't needed.  About 5 years later we got a GAL and have used those services twice, once for the custody case, again for modification of parenting time.  Ours happened to be a lawyer, others have had social workers or others.  Lawyers sometimes are frustrating, they're too willing to make settlements with half measures.

My L recommends requesting a GAL before the judge acts on his/her own.  That way you can also say "we request John Smith be appointed a GAL" and if the judge approves, you have a bit more say/control over the choice of GAL.  Sometimes, the GAL has little experience, has biases, etc.  If you suggest someone that you know to be a good choice, and is respected and experienced in your jurisdiction, you're more likely to get a good GAL who will cut through the BS and work for the kids.

After the GAL is appointed, then the parents pay for GAL services.  Sometimes not in equal shares, depending on who has money available.  The judges will order one parent to pay for it all if the other can't pay and not think twice.

Both times the court excused ex from paying her portion of the GAL fees.  That despite ex never submitting any income data to the court.
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