Ups and Downs

[ABelle]

We had a bit of a rough time this weekend.  It seems like my d16 goes up and down so much, and we are all just along for the ride.  It was Moms' Weekend for my older d, so I spent quite a bit of time with her (my BPD d16 of course wanted to go along and was pouty about that).  She was okay in general, but her treatment of me continues to become more demanding, and I find myself not dealing with it because I don't want to either escalate the situation at hand (trying to validate instead) or else not dealing with it at a later time because I don't want to ruin a moment when things are more calm.  My eldest complained to her father about how nasty d16's attitude is toward me. 

She spent the night with friends Saturday night, and had a great time.  But, as is often the case, by the time she got home she was depressed and distraught over having to go to school tomorrow.  We spent time talking in the car about it (she is doing really poorly since she got out of the hospital - only passing one class), and by the end of the conversation she was irritated at me for talking about it and making it worse, and then when I said something about why I thought talking would help she demanded that I not make everything about me (that is the hugest joke ever - our lives revolve completely around her and her moods and reactions).  Anyways, after an afternoon of us checking on her constantly, her laying catatonic for awhile, she is suddenly fine and puttering around the house, all up in my business as I try and type this message. 

Anyways, not a disaster, but not much of a fun day either.  The weekends used to be the best part of the week, and these days I can't wait until Monday so we can share the care of d16 for a few hours a day.  I guess I'm just venting.  I need to keep working on myself so I can get off this train!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BioAdoptMom3]

We have dealt with this for the past few years with our DD14.  For 3 years her psych and therapist have been telling us BPD traits, and she still may have it as a comorbid condition, but she was diagnosed at a residential treatment center 3 weeks ago with bipolar.  After reading a recommended book and lots of websites I am quite shocked that anyone missed this!  Just something for you to consider the next time she sees the doctor or therapist!

[ABelle]

I knew I was on edge for a reason.  Our evening exploded when my d walked in and demanded my dh get her a movie - no please, thank you, or even a nice tone.  When he refused and asked that she speak civilly, it escalated.  He did a good job of not getting mad, but he was insistent that he was not going to fetch things for her if she was nasty.  She, of course, justifies all this by saying that he is so rude to her all the time that she shouldn't have to be nice.  She snapped at me for refusing to get in the middle (saying that I think I'm better than them by staying out of it), stomped off, then returned to yell more, try to knock over the office desk, and returned to her room to slam around in there. 

I spent the entire time just turning off all emotion and staying calm.  It's hard not to get involved - I feel like there must be something that can make it better.  I have a hard time figuring out when to validate and when to just try to stay out of it.  The one upside is that she did manage to calm herself down, and she didn't (as far as I can tell) engage in any self-harm.  I guess we will see what happens in the morning.

[jellibeans]

Dear ABelle

My favorite day of the week is Monday too! The silence is so nice... . take this day to recover from your weekend... . Do something for yourself today... .

My dd16 also acts up more when her sister is home or if I spend time with my older dd... . Her behavior over the last year has improved a lot and I think it is partly due to the fact my older d is away at school. My dd16 has to be the center of attention.

School is a big stresser for my dd16 and Sundays she does have more anxiety thinking about it... . it there anyway you can help her get caught up at school? Can you talk with her teachers and ask for help? Maybe that will help her and she will be less depressed... . hang in there

[ABelle]

jellibeans, I think our daughters have a lot in common!  By the end of the school day, she felt better and was acting much happier (although when I asked, she said that she was just hiding her true feelings - this is her usual comeback if she forgets to act like her life totally sucks).

Since I teach where she goes to school, I have the advantage of easy access to her teachers.  We are meeting tomorrow to discuss how to get everyone on the same page to get her on track. Today is also the first day in ages that she did her homework, and she asked me to help her finish a speech tomorrow after school.  She says that she just doesn't want to bother doing any school work because it is pointless.  She sees her future as bleak so why bother with homework?  Sounds sad, but at the same time it gives her an awesome reason to not to do any school work.

[jellibeans]

amen ABelle... . i hear you... . your dd is a lot like my dd... . I feel somethings taht she is afraid to try... . maybe that is how she saves her self esteem... . if I really don't put alot of effort into school and I fail then I have that excuse that I really wasn't trying... .