She just rang my doorbell...

[jibber]

I didn't open. I could see on the camera it's her.

I'm literally shaking... .

Why can't she leave me alone?

I blocked all means of contact.

God, this is why i keep my window blinds closed! I hate it... . One should feel safe at home.

[antjs]

report to the police and get a restraining order ! imagine a mentality of a borderline thinking that if she did something she might end in prison ALONE ! she will never try to contact you again.

[babyducks]

Hi Jibber,

Of course you had a very strong reaction to seeing her at your door.  All of us here would have reacted the same. 

I would suggest that you take a couple of minutes to sit with and let the emotions settle.   What I found to be true for me and my relationship, was that the level of intensity got so high I needed to make conscious efforts to calm and relax myself.  As silly as it may sound, just sitting and breathing with a cup of tea in my hand could sometimes help.

You say "one should feel safe at home".   Absolutely.  If the potential for violence exists I would encourage you to make plans for your safety.   Its much easier to make plans while not in the middle of an emotional episode.

People who have the traits of BPD cross boundaries, perhaps because they have a hard time with impulse control.  The volatility is very hard on us.  My Ex entered my home a couple of weeks after we split up.  Her visit derailed me for a while.   Some body gave me the phrase "I am not in a place to be able to see or talk to you right now."   I used that a lot.   I was careful to NOT use words like Always and Never because they just ratchet up the emotion.  I was also careful to not use the pronoun You because she heard that as accusatory.

These break ups are phenomenally hard.   That's why we are all on this site.   Time and time again we take blows to the solar plexus.   I would encourage you to disengage, if you can get out of town today and go do something good for yourself.   Go visit friends.   Go to the park.   Do something soothing to your soul. 

Take care and let us know how you made out.

'ducks

[antjs]

Jibber, i have just went through your previous posts. I don't have anything to say more than I AM REALLY SORRY. The pregnancy card was used against me when she was trying to lure me back after i broke up with my exBPDgf. She also triangulated and cheated with her ex bf (same as badoo thing). I was lucky enough that she has split me black and actually she is the one who initiated NC. Hold your grounds. This is never gonna get better with her. Read about the slot machine thing with BPD. the summary is that they will move to another target when they really feel that there is no hope that you are going to give any response.

[jibber]

Thanks for all the supportive replies! 

I will not get a restraining order against her. She is not the violent type. She wouldn't do more than come ring the doorbell and leave again if i don't open it. Still it almost ruins the weekend... . i'm not a stone. 

She left a small figurine of two Koalas holding each other (she always said i was her Koala), flowers and a note in the mailbox.

I ended up going to a friends place later that evening. We went to a river and made fresh fish over an open fire and enjoyed the evening out in the nature. Definitely took my mind off things a little.

I gave him the note she left in the mailbox and asked him to read it, and only tell me something if there's "i'm pregnant" written on it somewhere (which wasn't the case, he said it's just the normal stuff along the lines of "i will always love you". I didn't read it and threw it away, together with the figurine and flowers... . i try to keep myself away from things that keep me from detaching.

I'm hoping this was a last act of a "goodbye" for her and she will leave me alone now... .  

[jibber]

Antony_james,

That is actually still one of the hardest things for me, about the pregnancy. I accepted that i will never know if it was a lie or if she was telling the truth (odds are it was a lie). It simply would have helped me a lot to know the truth in this... . i still give her the benefit of doubt (not that it still matters now), and to know it really was a lie would make it so much easier to discard her as a "lying b___" (excuse my french).

Anyway... . ended up having a good saturday night outside, emotions more or less in control, detach, detach, detach... .

Thanks again for the support!