Just an update: PROGRESS

[lanfair]

It's been about 3 months since I left my uBPDgf, and although the circus in court continues to rage on with new twists and turns and tricks pulled by her, MY feelings towards her and the situation have changed dramatically. I got back from vacation about 3 weeks ago and ever since I returned I have felt indifference towards her. Yes, she continues to smear my name, yes she has aligned herself with a lawyer who has hated me for the last 4 years bc I dated his gf before him, yes she keeps persisting in trying to get me arrested or convicted of something, but I feel nothing for her. If anything, all of her legal stunts have sped up the process in getting over a 4 year relationship exponentially. I think if I would have had a regular breakup with a normal, well-adjusted girl, instead of a BPD girl who painted me black immediately and turned lesbian and entered a relationship within the first week of us breaking up, it would take me much longer to get over the past 4 years.

I do remain somewhat worried about court, every time we go she blindsides me and my attorney with some new twist we hadn't prepared for, but I'm trusting God and karma to take care of that for me as long as I continue to take the high road and do the next right thing. In my therapy sessions, I have moved past working through the breakup and trying to understand her actions to looking at myself and what it is that draws me into this sort of relationship. I now see this as an opportunity for tremendous personal growth and have already had many epiphanies about myself in the process. I do not love or hate my ex, I feel nothing. I don't care what she does or who she does it with, the fact is that she is DANGEROUS and I have seen a whole different side of her that I only caught glimpses of towards the end and it is UGLY. I used to worry a lot about her and her safety and feel a lot of pity for her bc of her mental illness when we first broke up, but I don't even do that anymore. *I* can't fix her, and I can't even convince her that she has this illness. Hell, for that matter, bc of the DVO I can't even talk to her period. And I'm glad for that. I'm glad there's a legal barrier between us.

I'm taking my time and avoiding any rebound relationships, I realize I have much work to do before I am ready for a healthy relationship, but I've been going on casual dates when the opportunity presents itself and finding new hobbies and things to keep myself busy. I'm reclaiming my life which was so codependent on hers for so long.

There is a downside to it all, though: I'm hemorrhaging money on lawyer fees, and she's not likely to stop her attempts to get revenge on me as long as she has this DVO for the next year, so there will be no winners from this situation. But there will be growth, at least for me, and in the long run it may be worth the price.

[Reforming]

Hi Ianfair,

It's sounds like you are dealing with very difficult circumstances incredibly well.

You seem to have come a long way very quickly.

Well done

And anther well done for moving on to exploring your own issues. 

I found and find the healing process intermittent. And I still get waves of sadness and anger but I accept that is part of the process.

You're doing fantastically well. I do think that for most of us it's not a linear process. So don't be too hard on yourself if you hit a rocky patch.

I needed time to really process and grieve for what happened.

Keep posting and good luck

Reforming (more slowly than you)