I had to go back to my old house this weekend to retrieve personal items for myself and our D15 after being gone a month, with a sheriffs escort. I called to request one deputy, I got 3.
It never ceases to amaze me how my uBPDh can turn on and off the charm/hate like a faucet. He has spent the majority of his time since I left sending me venom filled texts and emails, this weekend he was the charmer.
I spent an hour packing our things, the longest hour of my life. I had one deputy following me around watching everything I removed it made me feel like I was a prisoner. uBPDh sat in the kitchen with the other 2 deputies telling them that he was 100% committed to therapy and I wasn't, he has been to one therapy session since I left and when the T refused to "make me talk to him" he quit going. I on the other hand have been to 5 therapy sessions since I left a month ago. Once again he was projecting and blaming, nothing new. I was mortified that he would tell complete strangers about our problems trying to win them over to his side. Why would these deputies care what was going on? Then he kept trying to engage me by calling me "babe" and asking questions I responded with one word answers when possible. It appeared he had gone through every nook and cranny in the house in the last month, papers and boxes were strewn everywhere. I don't know what he's looking for probably some tangible proof that I am all to blame or I had wronged him in some way. All family photos/mementos have been removed from sight. I don't know if he has trashed them, burned them or packed them away somewhere. I guess out of sight, out of mind?
As the deputies and I were getting in our cars to leave he yells out to me I love you. I didn't respond or even look at him, just got in my car and drove away.
All a big show for 3 complete strangers who were only there to do their job. Too bad he couldn't have been the person that he pretended to be this weekend all the time. We wouldn't be where we are now.
I keep reminding myself that I am able to relax and breathe for the first time in years since I left. I don't have to dissect a sentence for 15 minutes before I say it now, I don't have to micromanage how our D15 acts and what she says anymore. I don't have to mentally stay 10 steps ahead of someone in a conversation anymore. And best of all our D15 doesn't have to get up and leave because she can't stand the angry outbursts. She and I have peace and calm, something you seem to forget is possible when living with a pwBPD.
