Really really miss him

[Springle]

I suppose this is just venting, and I hope this is appropriate to post here since it does more concern a non.

I'm really really missing my ex (non-BPD). I really want to catch up, see how is and perhaps make some peace.

I am trying to figure out if he has finally broken up from his dBPDgf, the one who abused me, gas lit me and sent me death threats. I want to keep well away from her but not sure if they are still involved with one another. I feel it too intrusive to ask a mutual friend to be honest, otherwise I would do that. He recently returned to FB after de-activating and re-activating for a long while where I can only assume his life was turbulent. I would like to drop him a message seeing how he is but, yes, don't want her to see it.

I hate not knowing him anymore, and pretending like he didn't exist. You can't tell how another person is feeling which is frustrating, perhaps her work is complete now and he thinks me an awful mess and doesn't want to talk to me. :'(

[Springle]

Did anyone else's pwBPD stop them contacting/communicating with people you really wanted to keep in contact with? Did you miss them? Did you re-unite when they were no longer around?

[trappedinlove]

I suppose this is just venting, and I hope this is appropriate to post here since it does more concern a non.

I'm really really missing my ex (non-BPD). I really want to catch up, see how is and perhaps make some peace.

I am trying to figure out if he has finally broken up from his dBPDgf, the one who abused me, gas lit me and sent me death threats. I want to keep well away from her but not sure if they are still involved with one another. I feel it too intrusive to ask a mutual friend to be honest, otherwise I would do that. He recently returned to FB after de-activating and re-activating for a long while where I can only assume his life was turbulent. I would like to drop him a message seeing how he is but, yes, don't want her to see it.

I hate not knowing him anymore, and pretending like he didn't exist. You can't tell how another person is feeling which is frustrating, perhaps her work is complete now and he thinks me an awful mess and doesn't want to talk to me. :'(

Springle, I hear you.  It must excruciating for you. 

I assume he knows where you stand and what you feel about him.

With all the pain you should let it go.

If he becomes available and wishes to resume contact with you he'll do it and then you'll get to decide on the next step, if you'll still be available as well.

[Rifka]

Did anyone else's pwBPD stop them contacting/communicating with people you really wanted to keep in contact with? Did you miss them? Did you re-unite when they were no longer around?

Springle,

Yes most definitely my ex tried to pull me away from everybody I loved and who cared for me. I also started to pull away on my own because I was embarrassed to be complaining over and over about a problem that I knew I should have been in control of but for some hypnotic type of feeling, I couldn't. I was not ready!

I came back to everybody and was thankfully accepted with open arms as I apologized for my neglect of them, my stories that they could not possibly understand, and swallowing my pride. I was not a good friend while under the crazy spell!

Many of my friends reached out continuously throughout the r/s but I just couldn't burden them any longer with what seemed like a private pity party that I was unwilling to leave!

I'm out of it now. Your friend is lucky to have you on the sidelines. I'm sure they would appreciate knowing you are there when they are ready to contact you!

[Springle]

Did anyone else's pwBPD stop them contacting/communicating with people you really wanted to keep in contact with? Did you miss them? Did you re-unite when they were no longer around?

Springle,

Yes most definitely my ex tried to pull me away from everybody I loved and who cared for me. I also started to pull away on my own because I was embarrassed to be complaining over and over about a problem that I knew I should have been in control of but for some hypnotic type of feeling, I couldn't. I was not ready!

I came back to everybody and was thankfully accepted with open arms as I apologized for my neglect of them, my stories that they could not possibly understand, and swallowing my pride. I was not a good friend while under the crazy spell!

Many of my friends reached out continuously throughout the r/s but I just couldn't burden them any longer with what seemed like a private pity party that I was unwilling to leave!

I'm out of it now. Your friend is lucky to have you on the sidelines. I'm sure they would appreciate knowing you are there when they are ready to contact you!

Thank you Rifka, and thank you also TrappedinLove. Your responses are very kind.

I hope you are right Rifka and my ex decides to contact me, I hold no resentment for him and I doubt he does for me, we split because our paths were heading in different directions and it put pressure on the relationship. I miss him so much, we had a lot in common and enjoyed each other's company.

I tried to contact him some months ago actually with a message but he never responded, I was really disappointed by that however I was/am still somewhat suspicious that she may have seen it first and perhaps deleted it before he had a chance to read it. I would presume quite confidently she has access to all his accounts. I was very open in the message and although he can act strange I don't see him as the type to completely ignore it. I hope this is the case anyway.

I have a lot of fear and regret he may see me as some kind of bad person; I guess I feel a great urge to redeem myself.

[Rifka]

Is there somebody that you both commonly know can get a private message to him?

Is he still with the other person?

If not and it's a new break up, he might be slightly different now. Basically like somebody with PTSD.

People with BPD have a way of taking you out of you. It's very strange, but trust me on this!

Recovery is very difficult and emotionally draining.

I do believe that it is quite possible that he has never seen your message, so go with that thought!

BPD s/os are very controlling, she most likely made sure he did not see it and quite  likely  tortured him for receiving it!

[Springle]

Is there somebody that you both commonly know can get a private message to him?

Is he still with the other person?

If not and it's a new break up, he might be slightly different now. Basically like somebody with PTSD.

People with BPD have a way of taking you out of you. It's very strange, but trust me on this!

Recovery is very difficult and emotionally draining.

I do believe that it is quite possible that he has never seen your message, so go with that thought!

BPD s/os are very controlling, she most likely made sure he did not see it and quite  likely  tortured him for receiving it!

I have thought about that, we do have a mutual friend who is very kind, good at keeping things quiet and is very supportive of me. However I would feel bad pulling someone else into this tbf. I am working my way towards asking this friend about my ex, I just don't want to appear nosy I suppose.

I don't know if he is still with the girlwBPD, from a glance at his social media I would say no but I can not be sure. I think she may have been very intoxicating at the beginning of the relationship, as if you had asked my ex previously what you thought of this girl he wouldn't have been all positive (in fact when I mentioned that I had been talking more with her after we broke up he told me to keep away from her!). I would assume he was emotionally vulnerable at the time she approached him. I was really surprised when I found out they were together as they are a very incompatible pair.