Power shift

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Lately I have seen my xBPDh around a few times.  Usually just passing in the car.  I have started smiling and waving as I got fed up with him glaring at me when he was the one who caused all the problems and went off with the replacement.

Yesterday, as I was going into the supermarket, I saw his car parked outside.  The friend I was with asked if I would rather shop somewhere else instead.  I told her that I would carry on there as I don't see why I should change what I do and where I go because of him.  Anyway, a while later, we walked past my ex and the replacement.  She was really staring at me and not looking happy.  He looked very flustered.  I just smiled at him and said hello, then carried on walking.  The look on his face was priceless.  It was the look he had when we first met.  He couldn't take his eyes off me.

Strangely, I wasn't as bothered by this encounter as I thought I might be.  Perhaps I am almost at the 'indifference' stage.  What I did notice was that he no longer has that cocky air about him that he had when we first split and he appeared to enjoy flaunting the replacement and hurting me.  Now the tables have turned and I believe that when he sees me, he's the one feeling uncomfortable now.

Has anyone else experienced this?  It seems to be a power shift back to me.  I'm the stronger one now.  I must admit it felt good.  Could he really be regretting what he did?  He never looks very happy.  Could it be possible that now I am moving on (albeit slowly) that he is beginning to realise what he threw away?

[Popcorn71]

Lately I have seen my xBPDh around a few times.  Usually just passing in the car.  I have started smiling and waving as I got fed up with him glaring at me when he was the one who caused all the problems and went off with the replacement.

Yesterday, as I was going into the supermarket, I saw his car parked outside.  The friend I was with asked if I would rather shop somewhere else instead.  I told her that I would carry on there as I don't see why I should change what I do and where I go because of him.  Anyway, a while later, we walked past my ex and the replacement.  She was really staring at me and not looking happy.  He looked very flustered.  I just smiled at him and said hello, then carried on walking.  The look on his face was priceless.  It was the look he had when we first met.  He couldn't take his eyes off me.

Strangely, I wasn't as bothered by this encounter as I thought I might be.  Perhaps I am almost at the 'indifference' stage.  What I did notice was that he no longer has that cocky air about him that he had when we first split and he appeared to enjoy flaunting the replacement and hurting me.  Now the tables have turned and I believe that when he sees me, he's the one feeling uncomfortable now.

Has anyone else experienced this?  It seems to be a power shift back to me.  I'm the stronger one now.  I must admit it felt good.  Could he really be regretting what he did?  He never looks very happy.  Could it be possible that now I am moving on (albeit slowly) that he is beginning to realise what he threw away?

[Lolster]

More likely he's started to devalue the replacement and painting you white if he has no other new supply, rather than him 'realising what he threw away.'

[Popcorn71]

I thought that may be the case.  The replacement is real trashy and brash - the sort of woman he used to mock.  As time goes on and she gets more comfortable with him, I can imagine her being bossy and demanding, going on what I have seen and heard of her.  I can't imagine him putting up with that for long as he always does exactly what he wants when he wants.  I wonder if the honeymoon phase is over now?

[Harri]

Hi Popcorn!  I just want to say that I think you handled the situation beautifully and the fact that your were able to be relatively unruffled by the encounter is fabulous!

I understand wondering about the ex and the new gf, but please do not lose sight of you and the great way you handled and responded to him!



ETA:  this is you taking back your power more than a powershift   what you wrote has me smiling from ear to aer for you   

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm the stronger one now.  I must admit it felt good.

Good for you!  Enjoy that, payback's a btch.  I'll probably never see my ex again, she lives a couple thousand miles away, and I'm certainly not inclined to do any testing, really don't care at this point, but I would definitely celebrate if I did what you did, after all the sht she pulled.  Enjoy your health and your power, and I agree with Harri that it's about your power, you've taken it back, and it doesn't have anything to do with him anymore.  You were probably looking extra attractive to him too, and he can't have you, another bonus.  Enjoy, you've earned it.

[Popcorn71]

Thanks for your replies.  It has helped me to feel more confident and less worried about bumping into him in the future.

Also, I am starting to realise my worth.  I was talking to friends last night and discussing dates I have been on lately.  When I thought about it, I have been asked out on dates or second dates (even third dates) by 10 men in the last 10 months.  I have chosen not to follow up with any of these for various reasons.  Some of the men were very nice, but I felt that they were just not for me.  At last I am putting myself first and thinking about what I want.  At the time I met my ex, I wasn't really keen on him but went ahead anyway.  I didn't have the confidence to turn him down and wait for somebody better.

I really feel that I am on my way out of this BPD nightmare now.

If anyone is struggling, I hope you read this and realise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if you can't see it yet.