Food for Thought on Rebound Relationships

[In Pain]

Food for Thought on Rebound Relationships

A lot of us are sitting here crying ( me included ) over our lost EX BPD GF. She moved on, she went silent on me, she's got a new guy, he's a looser who is just using her, it won't last, she was cheating on me with him, how could she do this to me, we had such a passionate relationship, I still love her, she just left... .POOF !

Maybe we do a little stalking and see the new guys car at her house.

But hey, wait a minute... .Have we ever stopped to think that WE were the next

rebound relationship from her previous relationship, and there is some guy out

there thinking that we are the looser she left him for ?

Maybe he was driving by her house and saw OUR car parked at her house.

That previous guy is going through the exact same pain that we are now

experiencing. Maybe he's now experiencing a recycle himself.

But I love her !

This thinking doesn't make me feel much better. Although it makes logical sense.

Just thinking... .

[Infern0]

In my case I actually wasn't a rebound,  at least as far as I know.  

I knew her through work for about 6 months before the RS begun and she was a real loner who was trying to cling on to anyone who would be a friend.  Everyone else kind of thought she was a wrongun but i fell for the old waif magic.

She had ran out of supply and tried to kill herself a few months before joining our work.  She was in therapy when she started working with us but we didn't know much about it at the time other than that she had ":)epression"

When we got together she quit therapy. ... .

All makes sense now but yeah I wasn't a replacement,  unless she was lying about that too but I've figured out most of her lies and I don't think she was seeing anyone for quite a while before me.

[Pieter2]

In my case I actually wasn't a rebound,  at least as far as I know. 

I knew her through work for about 6 months before the RS begun and she was a real loner who was trying to cling on to anyone who would be a friend.  Everyone else kind of thought she was a wrongun but i fell for the old waif magic.

She had ran out of supply and tried to kill herself a few months before joining our work.  She was in therapy when she started working with us but we didn't know much about it at the time other than that she had ":)epression"

When we got together she quit therapy. ... .

All makes sense now but yeah I wasn't a replacement,  unless she was lying about that too but I've figured out most of her lies and I don't think she was seeing anyone for quite a while before me.

Exact same here. Also, wasn't a rebound but she was desperately looking for anyone. Also quit therapy when she got me. The problem is that even therapy to them is just some form of supply. A therapist is also discarded when things go better with someone. And In Pain is correct. It doesn't help you feeling this way because it is not the truth. The next guy got exactly what you had. Do you want that? I don't.

[Deeno02]

Wow, just read this string. Im not sure if I was a replacement, maybe I was. She was separated when we got together and divorced later. together a year and a half. Funny thing is reading your posts, mine stopped therapy too about a couple months after we got together. Anyway, I got devalued and dumped, next day shes with an old college buddy. Yay me... .

[mywifecrazy]

Yes I was a replacement. I still remember the look on her previous BF face when we would run into him In public ( He would stalk us) I was thinking... ."What a loser" All I knew about hiMm was what my uBPDxw told me about him... .ALL LIES! She painted him black and discarded him like yesterday's trash. I was the New Supply. Thought I was such a Good Man for rescuing this poor girl that was being abused.

Fast Forward 20 years... .Married for 18yrs have two awesome sons. Now I'm painted black and discarded like yesterday's trash. One of the first people I thought of was this previous BF that I replaced. When I found out that she was lying and painting me as an abuser I realized... .WOW that previous BF, everything she said about him was BS. Now I know why he had that BEWILDERED look about him 20 years ago when we ran into him in public. He was in shock and searching for answers. Now 20 hrs later I was the one with the bewildered look (last yr not anymore) searching for answers. I hope to someday run across that boyfriend and apologize for believing her distortion campaign about him. I also want to let him know that 20yrs ago that he thought he lost and I won something when in reality it was the opposite. I hope his life is a good one as unbeknownst to him he dodged a MAJOR BULLET!

MWC... .

[hurting300]

Not sure if i was a rebound... but she did use me to get pregnant I do believe. She went silent on, me six months ago. Here is the psycho part. She drives by my house. Which is miles out Of the way.

[Aussie0zborn]

I'll put a different spin on this if I may. I would love to see the look on my replacement's face when he realises he nearly got arrested and jailed for believing her lies.

This thug threatened my daughter with a baseball bat, lightly assaulted me, attempted to assault one of my group, emptied out two of my houses (I was living in one at the time) and has generally behaved badly, which is probably not unreasonable for a thug with a remarkably low steroid impeded IQ.

I feel that when he realises he has been used he won't walk away quietly, or run from her in the middle of the night like I did. I can't help but think he will deal with her they way she hoped he would deal with me if I wasn't such a fast runner. Unfortunately, I wont be there to see it but wouldn't you just love to see the look on his face when he comes out of the FOG?

I wonder if he is going to remember me?

[Rifka]

Food for Thought on Rebound Relationships

A lot of us are sitting here crying ( me included ) over our lost EX BPD GF. She moved on, she went silent on me, she's got a new guy, he's a looser who is just using her, it won't last, she was cheating on me with him, how could she do this to me, we had such a passionate relationship, I still love her, she just left... .POOF !

Maybe we do a little stalking and see the new guys car at her house.

But hey, wait a minute... .Have we ever stopped to think that WE were the next

rebound relationship from her previous relationship, and there is some guy out

there thinking that we are the looser she left him for ?

Maybe he was driving by her house and saw OUR car parked at her house.

That previous guy is going through the exact same pain that we are now

experiencing. Maybe he's now experiencing a recycle himself.

But I love her !

This thinking doesn't make me feel much better. Although it makes logical sense.

Just thinking... .

I totally agree with you! They are compulsive liars, they tell you only what they want to tell you so that you attach to their pain and heartache and rescue their demented souls!

They can't be alone, whether they told you or not, there is a heartsick person experiencing the same thing right before you!

They are sneaky, huge liars! When they are on the down time from us, they are not alone. They hate being alone!

Mine swore up and down that he was a one man woman, loved me to death and would never cheat! We discussed this because I was often a victim of his vicious jealousy, so I reversed the thought on him. I loved him and was completely loyal!

Even though I don't know if he cheated or not, I will guess that on the weeks or days that he disappeared after causing a fight ( for no reason) he was not alone! When I was away on vacation, I'm sure that he was not alone! When he was mad at me, he was not alone! They are spiteful, cruel, have no morals and again are liars and charmers.

How else do they get back on your bed when you might even know they just had sex with somebody else?

We were the replacement! I know I was!

Now we are the horrible exes that abused them, cheated on them and treated them like crap ( because that is how their minds see it, always the victims for the replacement!)

We gave them our hearts, souls, energy and most funded them and were taken to the cleaners.

The new replacement is now the old us, but they are unaware. We were the replacements, but we were unaware, and the cycle continues until the next replacement. There is always a new replacement.

Denial will only hold us back in an unhealthy mindset and keep us from moving forward.

I know it hurts our pride to imagine that we were the replacement, but do we really believe we are the first they sucked into this dark world and spit out?

I know the truth!

I was the newest replacement!

NOW I AM THE VERY HAPPY TO BE PAINTED BLACK HORRIBLE EX. IVE ALWAYS LIKED HOW I LOOKED IN BLACK ANYWAY!


Rifka

[mywifecrazy]

NOW I AM THE VERY HAPPY TO BE PAINTED BLACK HORRIBLE EX. IVE ALWAYS LIKED HOW I LOOKED IN BLACK ANYWAY!

Rifka

Yes me too Rifka... .I've always digged the Johnny Cash look and music anyway so why not embrace being painted Black... .

MWC... .

[walksoftly]

I met my ex BPD while she was in a relationship but she completely downplyed the relationship; said it wasnt important-just a fling. The guy went nits! Stalking us, went on medication, etc etc. I realize now that I was the new supply! The poor guy !

Now, I have been replaced, shes probably told him lies; Im an abuser, bad father, etc. 

The same thing will happen to him... .oh and by the way, she recycled the guy while she was still with me... stayed at his home in Vancouver... then cheated on me!

[tim_tom]

Yep... I was the new supply. She lived with someone else when we met. Have thought about this as well.

I feel so foolish / guilty /ashamed. Normally I would never do something like this but she had me so convinced she never loved anyone like me before... I thought i was special

[Deeno02]

Yeah. Got her on the rebound after her husband left. Got her through a Divorce and the death of her mother. I too thought I was special because "LOVE". It was all smoke and mirrors. I eventually screwed up something or another and went black to her. Dumped one day, shes with another the very next... .

[goldylamont]

yeah. my ex just straight up lied to me. i didn't find out until we broke up years later. the only way i found out was because in the chaos of it all i was looking for answers. i didn't even know what a personality disorder was at the time, but i knew something was wrong with her behavior when we split. when she moved out she had her old roommate/friend from her old house help her move (he had a truck). i asked him briefly while she was away how long it was between her breaking up with her ex bf and then being with me. he said "i dunno, a couple months maybe? 3? 6 maybe?... ". i left it at that. but she told me (before and after i asked her again) that she had been single for 12-18 months. all lies. i wasn't the first person she dated after leaving her ex--do you really think she could go without putting somebody in her for more than a few weeks? no. so i'm sure she used a couple guys/flings in between before we actually met. but, the cold part about it is this--when we first started dating she actually lived only a couple of blocks from her exbf. and we were walking one time and she told me she saw him... .of course played me using my protectiveness for her facade and abuse. well, fast forward 4 years, we break up, then 1 year later--guess who moves in next door to me... .repeating the stalkerish cycle. i think she realizes how stupid and cruel she was with her long time exes and needs to be around them afterwards as some type of closure. i wish i could find her ex from years ago now and buy him a beer. the only thing i heard about him were lies that he cheated on her, and a friend of hers commented one time "i'm so glad you're not with ex [guy before me]. he was crazy! remember how he threw that chair through the window when you broke up? you look so happy now." and me, i was beaming at the time. at least i didn't throw any chairs through the window, . but i know how he felt 

[Pingo]

This thought occurred to me after I realised I had been replaced almost immediately after our BU (and maybe before, who knows).  I actually asked him if I had been a replacement but he denied it.  I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth so who knows.  We met on an online dating site and he had his profile 'hidden' and contacted me.  He told me he had it hidden b/c he had some 'crazy' ones he'd met online.  Now I can see that was a huge red flag! 

[Rifka]

NOW I AM THE VERY HAPPY TO BE PAINTED BLACK HORRIBLE EX. IVE ALWAYS LIKED HOW I LOOKED IN BLACK ANYWAY!

Rifka

Yes me too Rifka... .I've always digged the Johnny Cash look and music anyway so why not embrace being painted Black... .

MWC... .

Lol!  Very true!  So past all of that BS! I'm living my life now and that's all that matters, so he can paint away! Not my problem anymore!

HAPPILY THE PAINTED BLACK EXNGF! MAY HE PAINT ME BLACK FOREVER AND STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER!

Rifka

[In Pain]

My ex BPD, was dating a guy when she went after me. We dated 5 nights a week for 18 months, did she see the old guy during our time together... .probably... .And others !

Where did she get the energy !

After we broke up, I know she was seeing the previous guy a bit. But she has now moved on to a new mark.

It really is a sad cycle they are in.

FYI... .I still miss her.

[hurting300]

I miss mine too but I dread the day that phone rings.

[maric]

I miss mine too but I dread the day that phone rings.

Me too... . 

[willtimeheal]

Yep... I was the new supply. She lived with someone else when we met. Have thought about this as well.

I feel so foolish / guilty /ashamed. Normally I would never do something like this but she had me so convinced she never loved anyone like me before... I thought i was special

Yep... .same story for me

[ajr5679]

my ex started dating a girl that I dated. she slept with her before she left me . no I don

[willtimeheal]

my ex started dating a girl that I dated. she slept with her before she left me . no I don

ajr 5679,

I am so sorry. I can relate but in a different way. My ex was living with a guy when she started reeling me in. She kept him close till she knew she had me hooked. Then she dumped him. I always felt bad for the guy. Not only did his gf leave him but she left him for a girl. What's interesting is as our relationship continued and in was painted black i would always think... .I bet this is how that poor guy felt when I entered her life. I was nothing but a replacement.