1st time - 48 hours of NC - ouch

[nzmum]

bpDD17 left Tuesday  8am.

messaged her mid-morning and the response was short and to the point. 'turning my phone off now as I have to hand it over'

I gleaned from this snippet that she was (once again) visiting a police cell 

Correct! 

Reason:  railway bridge/DD17/call to friend/police alerted/Cautioned under Railways Act 

So having watched the amazing link below H and I decide NOT to reward her by knee jerking and rushing to save her.

  www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4KjxxPp3Ls&feature=player_detailpage

We have heard nothing from her since. We know she is asking all involved NOT to tell us 'ANYTHING' because they have told us!

We know she got herself to the respite house and spent Tues night there - they called us 

We know she has been assessed by 3 different crisis teams in the last 24 hours as the mental health team have told us this. 

We now know she is in hospital (as of 7pm last night) as we called to check and they told us. 

DD has no clothes, toothbrush (NO PHONE CHARGER  )

I will call this morning to ask if she will talk to me.

I am picking that she won't.

I will then offer to fetch in anything she needs as I am required to provide for her until she is 18.

I guess this is our 'punishment'.  It hurts heaps.

Thanks for 'listening'

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[SeaSprite]

bpDD17 left Tuesday  8am.

messaged her mid-morning and the response was short and to the point. 'turning my phone off now as I have to hand it over'

I gleaned from this snippet that she was (once again) visiting a police cell 

Correct! 

Reason:  railway bridge/DD17/call to friend/police alerted/Cautioned under Railways Act 

So having watched the amazing link below H and I decide NOT to reward her by knee jerking and rushing to save her.

  www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4KjxxPp3Ls&feature=player_detailpage

We have heard nothing from her since. We know she is asking all involved NOT to tell us 'ANYTHING' because they have told us!

We know she got herself to the respite house and spent Tues night there - they called us 

We know she has been assessed by 3 different crisis teams in the last 24 hours as the mental health team have told us this. 

We now know she is in hospital (as of 7pm last night) as we called to check and they told us. 

DD has no clothes, toothbrush (NO PHONE CHARGER  )

I will call this morning to ask if she will talk to me.

I am picking that she won't.

I will then offer to fetch in anything she needs as I am required to provide for her until she is 18.

I guess this is our 'punishment'.  It hurts heaps.

Thanks for 'listening'

That video was so helpful when I first found this site! It really changed how I viewed and reacted to my d in ways that seem to be helping.

I'm so sorry about your d's drama, you sound like you are handling things so calmly and rationally even though it must be so scary for you.

Pretty wonderful that there are so many resources for her that got her from the police lock-up to the hospital! Hoping she gets the help she needs! 

[Rapt Reader]

Ahhhhh, nzmum... .At least you know that she is safe and sound, and getting some sort of treatment and help.

I agree with SeaSprite about that video; thanks for the link 

Sooner or later I'm sure your daughter will talk to you, if for no other reason than to accumulate the items that she will be needing. Do you know how long she will be in the Hospital?

When I went through those types of things with my BPD adult son, I tried not to look at his behavior as him "punishing me" but as a symptom of his behavior that he really didn't have any control of at the time.

While she is out of the house, I recommend that you check out this Article: Supporting a Child in Therapy for BPD. It's loaded with very good insights and tips for navigating the minefields that you are facing right now, and probably in the future. I really encourage you to check that out, nzmum 

[nzmum]

Thanks Rapt Reader & SeaSprite.

We have been to the secure HDU where they have DD17. We have not seen or heard from her as she has confirmed once again today that she wants no contact with us.  :'(

Apparently she is calmer this afternoon so all being well she may have the admission under the Mental Health Act lifted soon so she can be in the 'nicer' more open part of the ward. No therapy you understand - this is really just a safe place for respite. There is no inpatient facility here in NZ for teens to have DBT etc.  :'(  So I'm afraid resources here are not so flash in that department.  :'( 

We saw the psychiatrist (the same one who put us on to the eggshell books last time DD was in) who again suggests traits are +++BPD so no surprises there.  Also asked us if we thought Apspergers could be a fit for DD.   Asked us which meds DD had used in the past - we advised that so far only self medicated with weed!      So off went the psychiatrist to discuss things with DD.

The 'plan' is that we will see the psychiatrist again on Monday. DD can stay put until then for a break - though once the MHA admission is lifted she could discharge herself - but apparently they will notify us should this happen.

The hardest thing I've ever done is go to the hospital this afternoon without a bag full of DD's creature comforts! Not even a clean pair of knickers & a toothbrush!   The ward staff have passed on the message that she need only let us know what she needs etc. and we'll get it to her. I am fairly confident she will when she's good and ready   

So   DH , DD14 (struggling right now) and I will take it easy for the next few days. The last 3 have been intense. The fire's lit, my glass has been refilled   and now I shall just breathe for a bit.  xx

BTW:

The psychiatrist has gone away with the link I shared in the previous post. Also the bpdfamily address (as she'd never heard of it before). 

[jellibeans]

nzmum

Take the time for yourself while you can. I hope your DD gets the help she needs. Although it must be hard not to fall into the same pattern of rescuing it is a good thing to stand back a bit and let her figure things out. I have a DD17 too and I am really trying to give her the opportunities to figure out her own problems. When things are a power struggle then that is when things get difficult in my home. This might be the time she takes responsibility for herself and seeks the help she needs. It is learning to tolerate the discomfort and lack of control that is going to help your DD. I am wish you well and I hope something positive can come of this all.