Anger

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Dangithurts:

How long has it been for you?

What happened that caused the end?

I called her nasty names when she canceled on me and she said we're done. Its post 18 in this thread... .And I put up a huge thread about it

[DangIthurts]

Dangithurts:

How long has it been for you?

What happened that caused the end?

I called her nasty names when she canceled on me and she said we're done. Its post 18 in this thread... .And I put up a huge thread about it

[lovethebeach]

As angry as I am, I wish I was indifferent. I wish I was at the point where I didn't care.

Then again, it hasn't even been as month. The worst part is feeling forgotten about.

[Deeno02]

I'm trying to take this one day at a time. Some days are good, some are bad.

I truly loved him and I still care for him, but I will not be someone's second choice or their doormat! I'm too good for that and I'm young... .I refuse to settle, especially for someone who isn't even trying. He always used to say "I'm trying. It's a process." And it absolutely is. But trying, isn't joining dating websites and being lax about your recovery. Then again, he's still young and so I'm sure the age factors in somewhere.

He wanted me to stop playing "mom" in the relationship, to a certain extent. The only problem was, it wasn't possible. We would've fell apart much sooner. He wasn't and isn't capable of handling his own messes. During the two years, he got kicked out of college, fired from a job, left the military (after not making it through basic... .he claims to be with me, who knows) and was heavily into alcohol and drugs. Yet, he wanted the control back?

At least with me, his life was on the up swing. No drugs. No alcohol. Back in school. My dad helped him get a car. I helped him get a job with a decent income.

Mind boggling how he could self sabotage us and in one week go from "working on things, to sending me money for his things."

He truly lost the best thing that ever happened to him and I will not for one second doubt myself. Sure, he had some valid points ... .but if I had given him full control ... .he would've failed much more quickly, and I just couldn't let that happen. I wanted a life with him.

But, he's too immature to truly want to change. It seems he did for a short while during our relationship; but ultimately, let him go and have fun... .when he crashes and burns (and he will) I'll be long moved on.

I'm hurting now, he's not. That will change. One day, I'll be happy again and he'll need someone. I won't be there. The car accident for me was my FINAL straw. We spent 2 years together and survived so much.

Even if we aren't together, you still have the decency to check in on someone.  As DIH said, I had friends who I havent spoken too show more care and concern. My cousin also passed away this week and my mom underwent two biopsies. It's been crazy and very difficult to process my emotions regarding Ethan.

But, I'm trying and I'll get there. It's a process and ultimately, I can't allow him to hold the power to my happiness anymore. He discarded me and our relationship because it was EASIER than facing what he'd done. He wants to do what he wants to do. So be it. I hope it works out for him.

Funny. You mentioned never checked on you. We are older, but we were together at the time. I went on a business trip and my 20 year old daughter was at home from college. Not that she needs to be checked on, her moms in the area, but my gf never called to see how she was doing or hey come over for dinner (my ex gf lives 4 blocks from us). My daughter loved her like a mom and she was hurt by that. They used to do things together with my gf's 8y/o daughter and then my daughter gets split too. Very hard to watch that.

[DangIthurts]

As angry as I am, I wish I was indifferent. I wish I was at the point where I didn't care.

Then again, it hasn't even been as month. The worst part is feeling forgotten about.

Day by day, unless this is your first relationships ever. I think you know you'll be fine in awhile. I think these scars will stick around for a LONG time, maybe even ruin future relationships. But I think you know deep down in 1-3 years (which think about it avengers 2 is already out lmao) if you've been left alone... .You'll be good to go.

I feel that same feeling and thats what I worry most about... .That all the effort and panic attacks and pleading to work with me so we could be happy was for nothing and she very well could live her life without giving me another thought.

Granted as much as she wants to forget someone got her, her dream car, took her to her first NFL game, and did an untold number of other 1st I think it'll be harder than she wants to believe

[DangIthurts]

I'm trying to take this one day at a time. Some days are good, some are bad.

I truly loved him and I still care for him, but I will not be someone's second choice or their doormat! I'm too good for that and I'm young... .I refuse to settle, especially for someone who isn't even trying. He always used to say "I'm trying. It's a process." And it absolutely is. But trying, isn't joining dating websites and being lax about your recovery. Then again, he's still young and so I'm sure the age factors in somewhere.

He wanted me to stop playing "mom" in the relationship, to a certain extent. The only problem was, it wasn't possible. We would've fell apart much sooner. He wasn't and isn't capable of handling his own messes. During the two years, he got kicked out of college, fired from a job, left the military (after not making it through basic... .he claims to be with me, who knows) and was heavily into alcohol and drugs. Yet, he wanted the control back?

At least with me, his life was on the up swing. No drugs. No alcohol. Back in school. My dad helped him get a car. I helped him get a job with a decent income.

Mind boggling how he could self sabotage us and in one week go from "working on things, to sending me money for his things."

He truly lost the best thing that ever happened to him and I will not for one second doubt myself. Sure, he had some valid points ... .but if I had given him full control ... .he would've failed much more quickly, and I just couldn't let that happen. I wanted a life with him.

But, he's too immature to truly want to change. It seems he did for a short while during our relationship; but ultimately, let him go and have fun... .when he crashes and burns (and he will) I'll be long moved on.

I'm hurting now, he's not. That will change. One day, I'll be happy again and he'll need someone. I won't be there. The car accident for me was my FINAL straw. We spent 2 years together and survived so much.

Even if we aren't together, you still have the decency to check in on someone.  As DIH said, I had friends who I havent spoken too show more care and concern. My cousin also passed away this week and my mom underwent two biopsies. It's been crazy and very difficult to process my emotions regarding Ethan.

But, I'm trying and I'll get there. It's a process and ultimately, I can't allow him to hold the power to my happiness anymore. He discarded me and our relationship because it was EASIER than facing what he'd done. He wants to do what he wants to do. So be it. I hope it works out for him.

Funny. You mentioned never checked on you. We are older, but we were together at the time. I went on a business trip and my 20 year old daughter was at home from college. Not that she needs to be checked on, her moms in the area, but my gf never called to see how she was doing or hey come over for dinner (my ex gf lives 4 blocks from us). My daughter loved her like a mom and she was hurt by that. They used to do things together with my gf's 8y/o daughter and then my daughter gets split too. Very hard to watch that.

Yeah I guess I'm really lucky with mine trying for kids and wanting to start a family and not being on birth control (3+ times a week ) that she never got pregnant, I couldn't imagine how kids would change the equation.

[lovethebeach]

It's like I have nothing left to say to him. I want to call or have him call but for what? The damage is done.

I hate feeling like I didn't matter. But, the truth is ... .you're right ... .I'll be a hard one to forget

I gave him everything.

[DangIthurts]

It's like I have nothing left to say to him. I want to call or have him call but for what? The damage is done.

I hate feeling like I didn't matter. But, the truth is ... .you're right ... .I'll be a hard one to forget

I gave him everything.

Exactly feel that same feeling I said it all gave it my all, apologized offered it all. And after the cold hate from my accident its like why would I?  If she/he can't be nice after that then I'm basically calling to not only get yelled at or abused... .But I'm feeding that ego, that desire to win, that control! I'm dumb and I'd go back if she said the right stuff. But even my dumb A$$ has its limit lmao.

[lovethebeach]

I have too much pride and self worth.

I don't need anyone who doesn't need me. Thats not a relationship.

He came back EVERY other time. I think he got tired of coming back and screwing up again. It's easier for him this way and he doesn't care about me (for now).

Its all about him... .survival mechanism.

At the end of the day, its actions not words that matter.

[willtimeheal]

Here is what my therapist told me... .the one thing the BPD can't stand is seeing you happy and living your life. So as hard as it is be kind to yourself, give yourself time to heal, and know his issues have nothing to do with you. I am on day 31 of NC. I have good days and bad days. This weekend sucked. I gave my ex BPD everything. I was promised this incredible life instead I was lied to cheated on and abused. I kept going back but not this time. We all reach our breaking point at some point. Only you will know when that is. In the meantime let your anger push you forward. It is time for you to give yourself everything you gave him. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. By not having her  problems and drama to focus on I have been forced to listen to myself... .sometimes my own inner voice is more abusive than hers. Learning  be kind and patient with myself has been its own struggle. Your anger and determination will push you through. Hang in there.

[lovethebeach]

This is just so difficult.

The minute I'm gone, he's right back to his old bad habits.