New here

[777Alex777]

Hello, My name is Alex.

I met and fell in love with my wife 5 years ago, have lived together since then, we married a little over a year ago. She has BPD. She told me not long after we met to explain why she was always pushing me away then pulling me back during the courting process. So I educated myself as best I could and simply never let her behavior push me away. I was the longest relationship she ever had and her family all said it was the most stable they had seen her in her whole life. I am 42 she is 40.

We have been separated now for 9 months. She lives in another part of the country. At first I was really happy to escape all the crazy making and to be able to think for myself for once. But as time goes by, I find I miss her more and more. She has pretty much moved on and has already had quite the string of boy friends which she rubs in my face. She periodically tries to get me to come home again, then changes her mind if I finally agree.

I have broken up with others in the past, and simply moved on. I have never felt anything like this, it is really screwing up my head and my heart and I needed somewhere to turn for some support. We made a very attractive successful couple (when she wasn't sabotaging things) and I still have very strong feelings for her. I have no problem meeting other people but I still keep thinking about her and it's making it hard to have any kind of close relationship with anyone else.

I am here to learn how to move on and get my emotions sorted out. She did a lot of damage to my career, my family, my friends, and my heart over the years. She really has full blown BPD and it did a number on me. and still is.

thank you,

Alex

[Pingo]

Welcome Alex to our bpdfamily!  I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through.  I certainly can relate about this break up being so different than others.  I was with my uBPDexh for 4 yrs (married for 1) and have been out of the marriage for 5 mths.  It is hard to believe how one person can mess up your head like these people!  You have suffered a huge trauma and it will take some time, no doubt.  Keep posting and reading here, there are many excellent workshops and articles to help you get your emotions sorted out.   Are you seeing a counsellor?  I found this invaluable.