Yesterday was really rough because of proximity and many visual triggers, but for today I am OK.
No one ever really wants to look at themselves and accept things that need to change. I know in my heart that there were issues on both sides that needed/need attention and I do not have to beat myself up any longer because it just didn't work out. I'll go though ups and downs during this transition. I'll get off the ride when it's over. But I now have to try even harder to understand what being determined means. I also need to learn to have conviction, or a strong belief, that with time and a dedicated effort on my part, I can reach my goals and still achieve my dreams. I have to seek out doors to open because the fantasy is over. And that's a good thing for everyone. Dare I say that we can still love them forever if we choose. Or we can decided to continue to hate ; and some will. It just need to be from a distance. I think it's like 500 yards or something -
.
If I do not laugh, I will surely cry. - Sandman1881Considering what I've been through overall... .I'm still healthy, I'm not insane or a mental defective and still look handsome (rebuilding self esteem/confidence) and after a while of taking better care of myself and my children, I'll be competent enough to have normal adult and healthy relationships that do not involve attachment, addictions, or the need for control (my own or from others), abuse, or disrespect. I've accepted this relationship for what it was - poor decision making on my part with a side of codependency, and her mental issues masked just enough to keep me and others blinded so she could feed her need to feel better about herself - because like I hate myself sometimes, she hates herself even more I do believe. I'm not happy if anyone I care/cared for is hurting. But it's up to each person to do what's best for themselves. Good or bad.
It's not a good sign when someone is addicted to anything; be it substance or person.
I have tough moments. This one was rough. But I've been trying to get out for a long time (14 month long live-in) and I did make it out without too many permanent scars. I have a few that can still be seen. But with time I'll process this the best I can and will have learned
many valuable lessons and even more about who
I am and what
I need to address with myself. If I can take it one day at a time, learn not to be abusive to myself or others and to love myself, I can have a decent 2nd half of my life. - It does always take at least 2 to tango.
