Unpredictability of BPD - positive story.

[pessim-optimist]

Hello again everyone,

Recently, I posted about our situation this last year, and how it all went down hill with my SD dysregulating again and going NC well over two months ago. We did not expect her to contact us anytime soon, definitely not until the beginning of the year, because she can't handle being in touch with both sides of the family.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=236928.0

Last year the break happened peacefully (no dysregulation) and she didn't get in touch with us until May.

Well, on Sunday she called and left a message that she was "calling to talk" and please call her husband's cell phone. It sounded ominous from her tone of voice, and we were puzzled why she wanted us to call her husband (that was a first). We were busy and left the house while we wondered what this was about. But before we were able to answer, she called 3 more times. The last time my husband (her dad) picked it up, and she started chatting away about all that has happened in her life; her knee surgery, her renewal of vow's with her husband, a falling out at their church, falling out with her sister, holding her mom under suspicion etc. etc. and can they come for a visit for Thanksgiving? My husband got to talk to two of the 3 grandkids and the little guy (9) who has mild Aspergers and is SUCH a sweetheart said "Hi grandpa! We are coming to visit, and we are going to have so much fun!"

Anything can happen before Thursday, and we will see what happens.

I wanted to share this with you as an encouragement that BPD is indeed unpredictable and sometimes that works in our favor. That we do not control the changes in our pwBPD's life, and also as a humbling reminder that even when we learn to know and understand our pwBPD's patterns, they still take us by surprise.

This time again she made her health issue as the excuse/reason to re-connect, but even that took a somewhat lower priority. Maybe she is learning to reach out in a more natural way again.

Sometimes that is a pleasant surprise.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

pessio - I am so entirely happy for you and your dh. What a nice surprise -- and to talk with the gkids   You kept the door open. Even if it closes again - hopefully after the holidays for the benefit of the gkids - it is good to know that it can be opened again. I wonder if your SD has gotten some therapy - even if it is indirect from healthier outcomes with others in her life.

Enjoy your time with family.

qcr

[pessim-optimist]

pessio - I am so entirely happy for you and your dh. What a nice surprise -- and to talk with the gkids   You kept the door open. Even if it closes again - hopefully after the holidays for the benefit of the gkids - it is good to know that it can be opened again.

Thank you so much, yes, absolutely!

I wonder if your SD has gotten some therapy - even if it is indirect from healthier outcomes with others in her life.

You know, I don't think so, but she has had several "seizures" in the last 4 years, and dr.s never found anything, and there were some suggestions that it could be hypoglycemia - which she tested pretty low at times, so that sounds more like it. However, they put her on Lamictal to prevent seizures, but since some pwBPD are prescribed that as a mood stabilizer, I think it works for her in ways she doesn't understand   .

[qcarolr]

Lamictal has saved my life in many ways. It was first given to stabilize my bipolar II disorder. It has been a partner in my life for about 15 years. I hope she does not give up on taking it.

This really reminds me of the LEAP model in the book "I AM NOT SICK, I Don't Need Help" by Xavier Amador. He uses severe mental illness (schizophrenia, bipolar, extreme depression... .for his case studies). I have found it applies well to DD28. It also supports the BPD Family Connections model in the sidebar.

The point of this is to find common problems that you and your loved one can work on together - often not what you see as the problem (BPD). It takes Listening, Empathy, Acceptance, Partnering. This sounds a lot like validation to me.

So happy for this miracle with her from her docs that are able to treat what she sees as a problem with the side-effect of more stability in her BPD. Maybe it is allowing her some self-reflection. That opportunity for my DD while in jail may be part of her improvement. Well, no drugs, regular psych meds., and lots of thinking time may have contributed too. It was a challenging environment and there were some staff that supported her through her meltdowns and depressions.

qcr

[jellibeans]

I have to agree with you pessim... .you just never know. I tryuly hope your Thanksgiving is wonderful.

[mggt]

So nice to hear good news enjoy yourself and day 

[lever.]

Its good to hear this pessim-optimist.

Things are changing in unexpected ways for us too-for the better at the moment.

I hope this means you have a good holiday season. 

[pessim-optimist]

Thank you guys, it does seem hopeful at the moment! And I am happy that some of you are also experiencing positive moments.

This really reminds me of the LEAP model in the book "I AM NOT SICK, I Don't Need Help" by Xavier Amador.

The point of this is to find common problems that you and your loved one can work on together - often not what you see as the problem (BPD). It takes Listening, Empathy, Acceptance, Partnering. This sounds a lot like validation to me.

This is a really helpful reminder! Great acronym.