My first time here. My story of my BPD mother.

[Brittanyd14]

Hello. I am a 25 year old mother of 3 beautiful babies and I have just discovered that my own mother has BPD. My childhood was a nightmare along with the 7 years that I have been an adult. I will not go into detail with such horrific stories because I am trying to get past those memories. My mother literally tore apart my first marriage but I am blessed to say that I am getting married next week!   I have been no contact with my mother for a few weeks due to her last outrage. She did and said some very hurtful things to my 4 & 6 year old children. That was the last straw for me! I refuse to let her damage my babies in the ways she has done so to me. So, in a time when I should be ecstatic about my wedding, I am not. I feel guilty for walking away and never looking back. But why should I? I feel lost, confused, betrayed and shattered. I just want to be happy. I want to be happy with the man of my dreams and our children but it's like I keep waiting for the moment when she is going to try to hurt me again. ? I cannot get out of this rut I am in. I have a very loving father and step mother that are supportive of me in every way possible. The rest of my family on my mothers side knows she is the problem and all of my childhood friends and their mothers have had run ins with her. She cannot hold a good relationship with anyone! But please, if anyone can help me get through this, I would be forever grateful. Thanks so much.

[losthero]

You said you have horrific stories of what she has done to you over a lifetime and now has verbally, emotionally abused your children.  She has also torn your first relationship apart as well.  I think you deserve a long mental health break from her psychological warfare.  You deserve happiness.  She is ill but trust me, you cant save her.  She needs to have consequences for her behavior before she will ever gain any insight.  Be forewarned though for major drama leading up to your wedding.  Have a plan for security to deal with her if she shows up.  I know this is so heartbreaking for you.  A girl should have their mom there for them on their wedding day, from what I have read she doesnt sound very loving or supportive of you.  Surround yourself with those that can love and support you. 

[Marcia]

This is very familiar--they really can be experts in the "reign of terror" arena, as probable everyone here on this site can attest.

If for no other reason, you need to protect your kids and give them a stable home. Therefore, with what you have described in the way of chaos created by the BPD mom, you will probably have to go NC.

Maybe going without the big wedding will solve some of your worries? That setting does seem possibly irresistible for a BPD determined to make a scene. Don't forget how she is perceiving things--she has probably "painted you" the evil one -- ie needs to be punished... .

I feel for you, you are young and already have your hands full with three young kids... .but you will be better off in the long run if you face facts about your BPD mom, now. You can make things better for yourself with the insights you now have. Best wishes to you and please continue to do the things that are right for you!