Wife struggles to deal w/ Daughter diagnosed with BPD

[famacintosh]

Our daughter was diagnosed in college with BPD.  The diagnosis confirmed many tough days for my wife and I dealing with her behavior.  She has graduated college now, and moved back to her home town with us.  My wife is trying to learn to deal with many old events and memories where our daughter really abused her when she was a teenager.  Lookin for guidance and advice for my wife in how to love our Daughter and deal with the occasionally abusive reactions that reoccur even now.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi famacintosh ,

Living with someone who has BPD can really take it's toll on you. Your daughter was diagnosed in college, what led up to this diagnosis and is she getting therapy? Did anything specific happen that caused her to get diagnosed?

You mention your daughter's past abusive behavior and current occasional abusive reactions. Does she always direct this abuse towards your wife or are you also directly subjected to her abuse? Could you tell us a bit more about the aspects of your daughter's behavior that you find most troubling and the specific nature of her abusive behavior?

This website contains a lot of resources that can definitely help you as you try to learn new ways of dealing and communicating with your daughter. I suggest you also take a look at our parenting board: Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering

[NorthernGirl]

Hello famacintosh. I'll join Kwamina in welcoming you to our community.

I'm sorry that you and your wife have had to deal with the anger and turmoil, but am glad you've reached out to us for some guidance and advice. You've come to the right place.

The parenting discussion board that Kwamina suggested is a great place to start to connect with others in a similar position. You'll learn from what others have done, and from the communication tools that have been developed.

We look forward to hearing more about what is happening in your family. Please keep posting!

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, famacintosh 

How is your wife handling things these days? Do you think she might be willing to read some of the links to the right-hand side of this page? We also have Feature Articles linked to under the 4 photos at the top of this Board's thread listings that would help her understand your daughter and learn how to deal with her in ways that can make things better for their relationship... .I daresay that it would be a really helpful and enlightening experience for you to check them out, also 

There's a book that many of the parents on this Board have found helpful as well: Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder by Valerie Porr. I can't recommend it enough to you and your wife... .It's my "BPD Bible", all dog-eared and highlighted, and it has helped me improve my relationships with all of my BPD and BPD-traits loved ones. It has a wonderful Index at the end of the book so I can go back again and again to the specific issues I need help with. It's a wonderful book... .

Please keep posting your story, famacintosh, and asking your questions... .We really would like to help you and your family