My udxNPD/BPDex has been using his charm, and our custody agreement to stalk or harass me. Most recently he has decided to seek out my finance's ex wife (who is on disability for bipolar disorder and refuses meds or treatment) and strike up a friendship with her. The addition to this is that he and my fiance do not know each other, have never had a conflict, and there has never been an issue between them or from the kids. Out of the blue one day he looked up who she was and showed up on her door step. Right now my fiance is in the middle of contempt and getting full custody of his kids because of her instability, my ex seems to see no conflict in his seeking her out and involving himself in their issues. In addition to this, he decides to contact my oldest daughters dad and step mom (who I have always had a positive relationship with) and has been trying to befriend them via social media. They live three hours away, so they are not as accessible and my fiance's ex.
Because he can be so charming and charismatic on first impression, or after its been a while and they forget what he is like, people keep falling victim to his bait. I don't know how, if I even can, talk to them about him without looking crazy myself. His seeking out these relationships has caused issues for our girls and makes them nervous. He has had many issues in the past of doing things like this with their friends parents, and now as a result of some things he has said and done they will not have anything to do with either of us so they aren't involved with the issues he stirs up. Since this is not direct harassment to me that is reportable to law enforcement, it's free will for these people to associate with him, I feel trapped.
How do I handle and address this since I have very little control or options to prevent it. I already hide where I work, and have had to put my HR on notice that if anyone calls for information on me, I do not give permission and that I would like to be notified. He has called, and had his gf call, trying to get information on me or "inform" them of my "issues".
He seems to absorb himself in my life and relationships up to that line of legally being harassing or stalking. I am afraid to say and do anything, take trips, discuss anything about my personal life (even fun stuff) with people because I never know if they are the next person he will target. I am as No Contact as I can get with having kids.
How do I handle this? He has figured out how to hide or cover his reasons for these actions enough that my attorney states there is really nothing I can do. I would LOVE to move with our girls out of state or away from him. But we have "shared care" because that is the standard in our state. I really can't afford a court battle either. It would be very difficult for him to follow because of his profession and licensing, it is different in every state, and will not transfer easily. I just am not sure what to do and how to handle his weird obsessiveness and need to be involved with my relationships. I feel like I am the crazy one, and I constantly have to re-evaluate my reality and what he is doing. I try to not acknowledge him and his actions, and pretend it doesn't bother me, however its becoming more difficult as time goes on.
He just won't let go. Some of it seems like control and possessiveness, some of it seems like a arrogant way to constantly punish or hurt me. Not sure which it is he is acting on, but I don't feel like this will ever end.
My sons Mother has done this to my whole family. The more I told them what she was doing wasn't normal - the worse it made me look. I left them all to their own devices, then my family come back a year later and ask me what is wrong with her? She isn't normal... .So, people do realise in the end.
I actually had big issues with this though, It is so frustrating, I asked my forensic psych if there was anything I could do about it, he said there wasn't... And, he said there more I micro-managed - the more it will suck the life out of me, he said just let it all go, people will be around her no matter what you tell them anyway. So, I did let it go, and she is now seen for what she is. The thing is, they pot you out when you aren't around, and that is what doesn't work for them, that is their undoing, that is why I doesn't work when you tell family members they are crazy - because that will be your undoing.
